AFL star’s ex-partner launches campaign to help other domestic violence victims

THE woman abused by former footballer Shannon Grant is waiving her right to anonymity and opening up on her ordeal — in which she was stomped on, dragged by her hair and choked in a series of assaults — to help others.

Domestic violence survivor Shannan Thomas has launched a campaign to help women and men better recognise the early signs of abuse. Picture: Lachie Millard

“IT IS hard to believe your partner would hurt you when they say they love you,” says Shannan Thomas.

The trauma of domestic violence has prompted footy champion Shannon Grant’s ex-girlfriend to launch a Red Flags campaign to try to help others to better recognise early signs of abuse and give support to the victims.

“I am strongly committed to this, because I was a victim of abuse,” she says. “I have been at the receiving end.

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Domestic violence survivor Shannan Thomas. Picture: Lachie Millard

“I have a lot of compassion and understanding for other women, and men, experiencing domestic violence in their relationship.

“You start to lose trust in people around you, you start believing and don’t see the manipulation, because you look for the best in the one you love,” she says.

Thomas has a degree in psychology and recently completed a Masters in social work. After four months working as a mental health case manager, she says she is “more driven than ever to make a difference”.

“I’m seeing it every day, the effects of domestic violence: how it impacts on people’s lives long-term. And the experience I have been through showed me there is a need for more prevention and intervention,” she says.

In June, the former North Melbourne star was sentenced to six months’ jail for three separate attacks on Thomas last year. On appeal, that was reduced to a two-year Community Corrections Order. And this week, Grant escaped with a $1200 fine for breaching a domestic violence order when he assaulted her in a Maroochydore tavern in January. Police had asked for a suspended jail sentence.

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Former AFL player Shannon Grant leaves the Melbourne County Court in August. Picture: AAP/David Crosling

Thomas, 41, from Queensland, and Grant were in a relationship for about a year — from early 2017 until the Maroochydore incident.

Thomas says she repeatedly called off the relationship over concerns for her safety, but Grant would “love-bomb” her with flowers and gifts, promise he was getting counselling, and bombard her with text messages and calls pleading with her not give up on him.

Thomas says that after police were called to an incident about six months into the relationship, “his controlling behaviour escalated”. “He needed to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing at all times,” she says.

“Because he was an ex-footballer, he also had that profile to protect. In my situation, the sporting club and the stigma around that was huge. I still find it unbelievable — what is regarded as acceptable behaviour in that culture.”

Grant ultimately pleaded guilty to an attack at a Highett dinner party; an assault that began at Sandringham beach, where he threw a bottle at her and pulled her towards his car, and that ended with him choking her at his home; a rampage at a Yarra Valley resort in which he crushed her bare foot after she stepped out of the bath, shoved her to the floor, and dragged her by her hair; and striking her to the side of the head in a public bar — an attack captured on CCTV.

“One of the main red flags is controlling behaviour,” Thomas says. “I’d like women to know if men are jealous, this isn’t flattering. It doesn’t mean the man is keen; it means he has an agenda.

“From a victim’s side of things, it may feel like he loves you, but it’s a ‘red flag’.

“Domestic violence is like a slow-dripping tap: each drip is so gradual, and before you know it, you’re drowning in a pool of water.

Domestic Violence survivor Shannan Thomas says one of the main red flags is controlling behaviour. Picture: Lachie Millard

“It usually starts with the manipulation and emotional abuse, before moving to the physical abuse. But by then you can be left feeling trapped in the abusive web.”

More red flags, she says, include keeping track of movements, dominating, trying to access phone information, accusations of cheating, manipulating arrangements, controlling finances, and a quick temper.

Others include denigration, demeaning you in public, destroying property, and blaming alcohol or other drugs as an excuse for behaviour and choices.

“A lot of individuals are blaming mental illness for abuse, which I find really astounding,” she says.

“A lot of people with mental health issues still know how to behave respectfully, so that’s really no excuse.

“I believe change is possible, as violence is a choice. However, to achieve positive change individuals must first accept responsibility for abusive behaviours. This process can take time as the abuser must challenge their attitudes and stop using control and power. I’m aware that Shannon has taken responsible measures and is seeking the appropriate help.”

Thomas is also keen to not let her campaign add to the pressure that domestic violence sufferers feel by prompting questions about why they remain in an abusive relationship.

“Every relationship is different. There could be many reasons why individuals do not leave an abusive partner, such as pregnancy, finances, children, and social pressure,” she says.

“Sometimes the victim … can feel low self-esteem from the constant manipulation and start to feel helpless, alone and isolated, so they think it’s easier to stay.

“Then there are the partner’s promises to change … so you get false hope. It is a vicious and blinding cycle of control and power.

Shannon Grant playing for North Melbourne.

“I was deeply in love with Shannon. I was devoted and emotionally connected to him. And I wanted to help and support him. I believed in him. My own situation was also challenging, because it was long-distance. It was really hard because the distance created an isolation and made it difficult to gauge some of the controlling behaviour and reasoning. As time unfolded, it wasn’t a solid relationship. I put a lot of measures up to try and protect myself, but he just didn’t have any boundaries.”

Thomas is getting on with life, though she will never forget the abuse.

“But it’s made me more resilient and aware of the red flags. I really feel the importance of reaching out to other people to help find their voice.”

■ The Red Flags campaign has launched on Facebook at @theredflagsdv, on Instagram at #theredflagsdv and will be launching soon at theredflagsdv.com.au

If you are experiencing sexual assault, domestic or family violence:

If you are in danger call 000.

For confidential information, counselling and support for those impacted by domestic violence phone national helpline 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732.