Why people are getting divorced younger faster, and without hesitation

 Till death (or inconvenience) do us part

With the rates of Aussie divorces continuing to rise year after year, understanding why two people might decide to say ‘I don’t’ has never been more important. Here’s why more young people are choosing to end their marriages sooner, and why it pays to be prepared before you walk down the aisle. 

Despite a constant stream of engagements and adorable wedding albums being posted to social media every day, we’re still being told divorce rates have never been higher. 

Is the trend a simple mirroring of our rising population, a long-awaited response to the lifting stigma, or perhaps a clear-cut reflection of our shifting values as a society?

While many still firmly believe in the sanctity of marriage, more and more young Aussies are choosing to interpret their unions differently, perhaps fuelled by the celebrity-endorsed idea that it’s even ‘chic’ to be divorced before the age of 30. 

Calling in an expert, Body+Soul chats to Annelis Bos, Partner at Coote Family Lawyers, about what exactly is fuelling the rise of young divorcees in Australia. 

What’s behind the marriage mindset shift in young Aussies?

While the rising number of young divorcees certainly signifies a trend, more Aussies of every age are choosing to end their marriages – some after decades. And as anyone who has experienced a relationship breakdown or separation will attest, there’s rarely ever one single reason behind a divorce. 

“There’s a trend of people not wanting to put up with anything that they don't like, And there's much less inclination for people to work things through and put up with things that maybe aren’t perfect,” Bos explains. “So I think it's this quest for personal satisfaction that is incompatible with marriage.”

But, as Bos points out, younger Aussies’ rising standards in relationships shouldn’t necessarily be perceived as totally negative. 

Our quest for personal satisfaction is incompatible with marriage. Image: Pexels

Unlike older people who, after filing for divorce 20 years into a marriage, reveal a long list of behaviours or incompatibilities they ‘put up with’ from their partner, younger couples appear to have lowered their tolerance for undesirable characteristics in a partner. 

“The other factor is that a lot of young people are very financially savvy and independent, and the idea of working really hard to share your income and assets with someone that isn't equally minded becomes quickly unattractive,” points out Bos. “A lot of people sort of take the view that perhaps they're better off on their own than they are in a marriage.” 

“It's a bit of a conundrum in the sense that younger people are much more prepared to be clear about what they want personally, but I think that dynamic makes them less compatible with marriage or long-term marriage.”

Is marriage compatible with the modern world? Image: Getty

Another influencing factor, says Bos, is how dating has evolved over the past few decades – particularly the introduction of online dating. With some couples meeting and settling down sooner than they traditionally might have (thanks a lot, Covid lockdowns), they can often find themselves feeling like they don’t truly know their partner post-wedding, leading to a swift divorce. 

The pressure to settle down and have a family is another reason why people – particularly women – are rushing into a mismatched union, “Young women who have taken a career path all of a sudden have the biological clock ticking and they want to lock down a husband and have children, and they've got a limited time to do that,” says Bos. 

“So, they make a lot of compromises and marry someone that maybe they don't know that well, have their children and then they think, ‘My goodness, I cannot be married to this person for the rest of my life,’ so, there's a lot of people with young children getting divorced as well,” she explains. 

The longer a couple are together, the messier a divorce can be. Image: Pexels

Why it’s important to protect your individual financial freedom

While many young divorcees part ways fairly amicably, Bos says an individual’s ability to maintain a sense of financial freedom and independence plays a key role in the direction a divorce may take. 

“I think that's a really important factor in determining how successful a divorce or how amicable a divorce can be,” she says, explaining that tension arises most often when one party feels at a disadvantage or like they're getting ‘ripped off’. 

“Someone who has just had kids and doesn't have a job or hasn't gone back to work – they will have more skin in the game and be more anxious about what a divorce means for them.”

Whether it’s in the form of an official pre-nuptial agreement, or simply just an open and honest conversion with your partner about each of your personal and financial expectations for the future, tackling the ‘uncomfortable’ conversations long before you head down the aisle is an imperative step for any couple. 

“Everyone's on the same page when you know everyone is working, you've got your house and you can pay your mortgage,” says the family lawyer. But when things hit the fan, what is the plan then?”

Originally published as Why people are getting divorced younger faster, and without hesitation