What's behind the 'grey divorce' boom?

And how to prepare for it

With the rising divorce rates across Australia appearing to show no signs of slowing down, one growing age bracket of divorcees has experts particularly intrigued.

When compared to the experiences and choices of their ancestors, younger Australians are often scolded for their supposedly ‘flippant’ approach to marriage. 

Unlike their grandparents, who viewed marriage as the necessary first step in a long line of life accomplishments, more young Aussies are choosing to prioritise things such as their careers, travel, and children before walking down the aisle. 

Moreso, as the rates of divorce continue to rise amongst younger Australians, it’s not uncommon to hear Millennials and Gen Z criticised for not respecting the sanctity of marriage – especially when young couples choose to separate or divorce after only a short period of time.

But as one family lawyer explains, the growing prevalence of older couples heading towards divorce has given rise to a ‘grey divorce’ boom around the country, with 32 per cent of all divorces taking place over the age of 50. Here’s why it’s happening, and what it means.

One of the most surprising divorce trends to emerge, the grey divorce boom appears to have sparked years – even decades – ago. Generally speaking, many of the couples leading the charge today were once newlyweds who married at a younger age than is fashionable now, immediately started a family, and purchased a home with one income.

So, despite entering their unions with what many would describe as a more ‘traditional’ approach, why are more older couples now throwing in the towel on their decades-long matrimony? 

From contention over financial differences and infidelity to empty nest syndrome, Cassandra Kalpaxis, founder and director of Kalpaxis Legal, shares what’s behind this sudden rise in older divorcees – and what you need to know if you’re heading towards a later-in-life divorce. 

Not every union is made to last. Image: Pexels

Why are older couples choosing to divorce now?

While the breakdown of any relationship or marriage is unique, usually a culmination of several longstanding grievances or incompatibilities, there are a few common factors that experienced family lawyer Kalpaxis says are often responsible – especially for older couples. 

“Particularly for couples that have followed the stereotypical life course of getting together in their 20s or early 30s, then having children and perhaps focusing on work, it means you tend to spend less time together during those years – and any time you do have together is typically quite practically focused,” she explains. 

“Then, later in life, once the kids have left home and after retirement, suddenly you’re thrust back into each other’s company full time and at a time when you may not be the best version of yourself if you’ve lost the social network or sense of purpose that work provided.

“It’s a time when couples perhaps realise that their relationship isn’t working as well as it could or that they’ve got different expectations or different dreams and goals now,” adds Kalpaxis.

In addition to changes within the individual couple’s relationship dynamic over a decades-long marriage, society – and the expectations we have for our partners – has also transformed immensely.  

More women are prepared to go it alone or to find someone new who meets their emotional needs. Image: iStock

“More women are prepared to go it alone or to find someone new who meets their emotional needs. It is a beautiful thing to witness women who surpass their 40s and say ‘Enough is enough’,” Kalpaxis explains. “They no longer care what people think, they are no longer looking to please anyone other than themselves. They are acknowledging their worth and what they bring to the table and it’s a deeply moving movement.”

But as moving and liberating as some late-stage divorces can be, the family lawyer says the process, in general, is much harder for older, more established couples to go through, “It’s harder for older couples because the asset pool is larger so they generally have more assets to divide it’s also the case that they are more emotionally attached to things at that age because they’re more likely to be holding onto sentimental items,” she says.

“They’re more likely to also have adult children who take sides and get involved in a split that becomes really difficult to get out of because children are essentially inviting their own opinion into the breakup,” she adds. “Also it’s really hard because generally people in that age bracket have retired so there needs to be an adjustment to make sure that everybody can actually live moving forward.”

Time to take stock of your assets, financial potential and future plans. Image: iStock

How can older divorcees financially safeguard themselves?

Regardless of whether you’ve been married for a hot minute or three life-filled decades, divorce is a time-consuming, animosity-fuelling and all-around daunting experience. 

So, if you and your partner seem to be heading in the direction of saying ‘I don’t’, Kalpaxis has a few tips to not only avoid unnecessary stress and drama but also safeguard your financial future. 

#1. Know where you stand

“If you’re in an established defacto relationship or marriage, you have a common pool of assets,” explains the lawyer. “The value of all your assets is added together, regardless of who paid for what or whose name is on the ownership. They are then divided. The division depends on the agreement between the parties and the circumstances of the relationship.”

#2. Consider unexpected inclusions 

As the Lawyer explains, you and your partner’s pool of assets refers to much more than the family house and shared Volvo, “Any bad investments, including gambling, are factored into any financial separation and can be considered a waste of marital money,” she says. 

“Also, if you own a business, the value will be a part of the asset pool in your separation, even if your spouse hasn’t worked in the company. The process is to look at the total value of the business and work out the division based on the recommendations of any valuation and the overall split to occur between the parties as part of any settlement,” she adds.

How can older divorcees financially safeguard themselves? Image: Getty

#3. Be realistic and transparent 

“Be realistic about what’s available in the pool and what’s fair. You can’t make money appear from thin air, and remember that your ex needs to survive too,” she advises. “Also, always be honest about your assets, earnings and contributions. This will make the process smoother, lead to a faster resolution and avoid unnecessary court proceedings being initiated to obtain your financial disclosure. 

#4. Seek professional advice

When it comes to understanding your past, present and future financial potential, Kalpaxis recommends seeking advice from a mortgage broker or financial planner ahead of undergoing divorce proceedings. 

“Additionally, if you haven’t been good with money during the relationship, get a money coach to teach you how to manage your spending independently,” she adds. “You do not want to repeat bad habits in a new relationship, and you want to make sure you are financially self-sufficient.”

#5. Get job-ready and money smart

“If you have been out of the workforce for some time, I recommend getting a money coach or, if possible, looking into upskilling to determine how you might financially support yourself,” Kalpaxis says. “You could also identify what education or experience you already have to help you get into the workforce or what training you could do to get a job.

“If you have been working, but your ex hasn’t, you should consult them to see if they require spousal maintenance for the time they are educating themselves in an area of employment before they can get a job.”

Originally published as What's behind the 'grey divorce' boom?