4 warning signs you're headed for divorce

Is your marriage on the brink?

Worried the everyday stresses and responsibilities of life have started to unravel your relationship? According to an expert, here are some of the most common reasons married couples part ways. 

Marriage, though constantly evolving throughout history, has always stood as a symbolic reminder of a long-term commitment between two people. But even the happiest of marriages endure periods of increased tension and confrontation, with many opting to end their union altogether. 

Many couples find their individual needs, wants and preferences can constantly clash with the expectations of their marriage, inevitably taking a toll on the state of their relationship. So, what are the biggest warning signs that a breakdown of your marriage may be on the horizon? 

Elise Fordham, Principal Lawyer for Australian Family Lawyers, dishes on the most common causes for couples calling it quits, revealing how best to support your partnership through a rough patch. 

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It doesn’t always take a scandal

While it’s easy to assume most divorces are the result of a malicious and dramatic event, the seasoned family lawyer says breakups of a far less scandalous nature actually make up most cases in Australia. 

As Fordham explains, there usually isn’t just one cause for a marriage reaching the point of no return. Instead, most couples experience a gradual breakdown of their relationship due to several outstanding (and often ignored) issues. 

“Around 80 per cent of the breakups that we see are the result of a slow, progressive breakup that has occurred over several months or years,” she says. 

“Typically, those unresolved issues relate to the uneven mental and physical workload with the children and home, two people growing apart after the children have grown up, or ‘red flags’ that were ignored at the beginning of the relationship which (miraculously) never went away.”

For the other 20 per cent, Fordham says she has seen cases caused by anything from gambling away a couple’s life savings to cheating scandals involving secret families.  

The most common causes of a marriage breakdown may surprise you. Image: iStock

The most common issues behind divorce

#1. Communication on the rocks

For couples experiencing tension, healthy and regular communication can be the first thing to disappear. Many people feel unheard or unappreciated by their significant other, as active listening becomes less of a priority over the years.

When tension hits, it’s common for a couple’s communication to consist of mainly pointed accusations and nagging commands– neither of which demonstrate mutual respect or understanding. 

#2. Non-stop arguing 

Speaking of minimal or tainted communication, couples that find themselves constantly bickering over every little thing often experience a breakdown of their relationship sooner than expected. While conflict is of course natural (and encouraged!) it shouldn’t make up the majority of your interactions. 

Are you and your spouse prioritising intimacy and quality time? Image: Pexels

#3. Loss of intimacy

While every couple’s approach to physical intimacy and sex varies, it isn’t the only way to foster connection with your spouse. Emotional intimacy and small gestures of closeness (such as holding hands and cuddling) are important factors in every marriage, and when forsaken, can leave a relationship feeling little more than a standard friendship. 

#4. Neglected quality time

When life begins to fill up with school pick-ups, work meetings and never-ending piles of laundry, putting a relationship on the back burner is often a couple’s first approach. 

But, neglecting the importance of uninterrupted quality time with your spouse can create a gaping home in your sense of connection, opening the relationship up to communication issues and a loss of intimacy. 

Issues in a marriage need to be addressed by both spouses early on. Image: iStock

Approaching your issues head-on

With unresolved issues and ignored tension being the leading cause of most marriage breakdowns, Fordham says the worst thing a couple on the brink of divorce can do is neglect their communication, “A surefire way to make sure the marriage is over is to carry on like nothing happened, while the hurt person is left to fester on their feelings,” the lawyer shares. 

So, what advice does Fordham have for couples looking to salvage their union? The answer is surprisingly simple, though not devoid of hard work. 

The family lawyer urges married couples to address their tension or loss of connection head-on, “Sit down and talk about it; and do it again, and again, and again if you need to,” she says. 

“Importantly, both people need to want to repair the marriage, so being in the right headspace is important, and you might both come to the right headspace at different times,” Fordham adds.

“Some people want to talk right away, others need some space before they are ready; meet each other in the middle and communicate about what you want and need.”

Originally published as 4 warning signs you're headed for divorce