Is a 'bird-nesting' divorce the most amicable way to split?

The benefits are hard to ignore

Bird-nesting is the latest trend being adopted amongst separating spouses, taking amicable co-parenting to another level. Here’s why so many parents are choosing this living arrangement amidst a divorce. 

By definition, separating from your spouse generally involves a division of assets and responsibilities. When a marriage ends, a shared life is split in two, a life-changing event that can be particularly impactful when children are involved. 

For decades, children of divorced parents have been ushered between mum’s house and dad’s house, bags packed with possessions that fill two bedrooms. But now, as the rate of divorce continues to grow year on year, many parents are choosing to separate differently.

In an attempt to protect their children from the disruption and unfamiliarity of a family breakdown, couples are taking an extra-amicable approach to ending their relationship. Here’s why more and more couples are embarking on a bird-nesting divorce.

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What is a bird-nesting divorce?

In a traditional divorce, or the kind we are used to seeing on our TV screens, the family home shared by both parents throughout a marriage is usually sold off, and the capital is then split between both parties.

In other common cases, one parent will retain the family home, while the other packs their bags and moves out entirely. In turn, children will jump between each parent’s residence packing up their lives each weekend. 

In a bird-nesting divorce, things are done a little differently. Despite a marriage reaching its end, a couple will retain shared ownership of their family home. Both parents will then take turns living with the children (who remain in the home full-time) on a rotating basis, while the ‘off-duty’ parent takes up residence somewhere else. 

The children-focused living arrangement is designed to minimise the layers of disruption and change that tend to come with a divorce, creating a nest-like environment for a couple’s shared children. 

What are the benefits?

At its core, a bird-nesting divorce aims to provide children with a sense of stability and support throughout an often tumultuous period of change. 

As stated in a 2014 study published by the American College of Paediatricians, the event of divorce has been found to ‘diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power’. 

With the above adverse effects linked to instances of abandonment and instability, the latest divorce trend aims to assist a child’s transitional experience, offering a sense of stability and routine that more traditionally split households simply cannot. 

While the rotating living arrangement is no doubt beneficial for young children and their development, many couples are also finding it a necessary financial choice amidst the rising cost of living and interest rates. 

Describing her own experience as a bird-nesting divorcee, Cordelia Newlin explains the financial benefits of her and her ex-spouse’s choice to retain their central family home in a Business Insider essay, describing it as a ‘logical solution’ that saved them money. 

“When my husband and I realised our marriage was over a few years ago, we were racked with guilt over how it would affect our two girls,” Newlin writes, referring to her daughters who were seven and nine at the time she and her ex-husband ended their marriage.

“The girls’ father rented a small place nearby, while I chose to live with my mother when I wasn’t with the kids,” she continues. “While some things about my living situation weren’t ideal, it was financially realistic.”

What are the challenges?

While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for every parting couple, the bird-nesting arrangement does appear to boast a supportive and stable environment for young children, as well as offer financial relief for couples with shared assets. 

The rotational living trend does pose a few challenges, however, and perhaps wouldn't be the most ideal set-up for hostile or acrimonious spouses. Generally, if you’re seeking a divorce from your partner, space from their belongings, routine and person is the one thing you can count on. 

In the bird-nesting scenario, each spouse would need to be accepting of spending half their time in their shared family home, surrounded by their shared family possessions. For the bird-nesting arrangement to work successfully, a structured routine is necessary, as well as unwavering respect for each individual’s boundaries. 

Divorce is a lengthy, and financially and emotionally taxing experience for all parties involved. For couples embarking on the early stages of a separation, the bird-nesting trend may also serve as a buffer period, allowing both parents and children to explore a transitional living arrangement before all assets and custody are sliced in half permanently.

Originally published as Is a 'bird-nesting' divorce the most amicable way to split?