Why more older Australians are looking for love online

Age is no barrier when it comes to matters of the heart, with older Australians dating more than ever. And they’re turning to websites and apps to find their perfect match.

Seniors are less likely to stay in unhappy relationships, and turning to tech to find a love match.

Older Australians are less likely to stay in unhappy relationships now than in previous generations and are looking for love in all the new places, according to research that reveals a rise in online dating among the over-50s.

Australian Seniors Insurance Agency’s Modern Dating Report surveyed 1000 men and women over 50 and found 78 per cent believe their cohort is dating more now than ever, and 63 per cent of singles prefer to play the field until they meet the right person.

Counselling psychotherapist and relationship expert Karen Phillip says the figures reflect a generation of people who are much more independent and who know what they want from a relationship.

“In the past, it was more about finding someone that could look after you, but I think now men and especially women have so much more strength and independence and they set their standards higher,” Dr Phillip says.

For Gail, who is in her late 50s and has been single on and off since her marriage broke down more than 20 years ago, finding a partner falls into the “nice to have but not essential” category.

“I’ve got three grandchildren, two kids, I run my own pilates studio, and I have lots of great friends, so I have a pretty full life and I don’t want to settle for anything that doesn’t make me happy.”

The Modern Dating report found that almost 80 per cent of over-50s believe their cohort is dating more now than ever before.

Four in five of the survey respondents believed seniors are less likely to stay in unhappy relationships than in the past.

These figures are backed up by a report from Australian Institute of Family Studies, which found the divorce rate among couples that have been together for more than 20 years has increased from 13 per cent in 1990 to 27 per cent in 2017.

When Lauren* left her husband of seven years because of his infidelity, she threw herself into raising their daughter and building her career and put dating on the backburner.

Now in her mid-50s, she says men her own age tend to be seeking someone younger than themselves, while the men who are interested in her are a lot older.

“I feel like it’s a small pool to begin with, but there’s also this disconnect, particularly with online dating, where there’s a lot of really well-accomplished women with a lot going for them, who can’t find a partner.”

Seniors say they’ve had mixed success from dating apps and sites.

Well over half of the respondents in the Modern Dating survey said they had been on a dating site, and about 10 per cent had used a dating app — though more than 70 per cent believe online dating is for everybody, no matter your age.

Gail has used dating websites such as Elite Singles and RSVP to meet people, but says the algorithm used to find matches based on compatibility has proven largely unsuccessful, at least romantically.

“When they match me with someone who has a photo of their leg thrown over a Harley Davidson and a handlebar moustache, I just know it’s probably not going to work,” she says.

Lauren has a profile on the dating app Bumble, and says that while the volume of potential matches seems promising at first, she has had to develop a keen eye for doctored photos and fake profiles, as well as “a thick skin and a sense of humour”.

“I think everybody tells a bit of a lie, it’s like a resume, and you put your best photos forward, but these sites allow people to fabricate an entire life,” she says.

“There are so many stories out there now of the dangers of online dating, I think you’d be foolish not to go in there with some sort of guard up.”

Lumen is a dating app developed exclusively for singles aged 50 and over.

Lumen is a dating app exclusively for over-50s that launched in Australia earlier this year to address some of the concerns around the safety of online dating.

It uses special artificial intelligence to check a user’s age and verify their photos based on a selfie, and the first message to a potential match must be more than 50 characters to encourage meaningful connections.

According to the founders Lumen has more than 1.3 million users worldwide, with an average age of 57, though the oldest is 97.

Lauren and Gail agree that while most of their cohort is more wary of the dangers of online scams, any stigma that once clouded the use of dating websites and apps is now almost non-existent.

Despite this, they both say they would rather meet a partner through someone in their network.

“I still hold out hope that I will meet someone through a friend, it just feels like a better space to be in, you’re more likely to make a connection with someone from your own tribe,” Lauren says.

Gail says that while people are far more guarded now than when she was younger, there are still plenty of advantages to dating when you’re older.

“I think I would be a fabulous catch now — as you age you become far more comfortable with who you are, you have your own interests, you’re more independent, less demanding, there’s no pressure around having children.”

“It’s that point in life where if you get the opportunity, it can be the richest thing ever — just two people having a great time.”

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WHY ONLINE DATING ISN’T WORKING FOR YOU

ADVICE: How to spot a fake profile

• Language: Dr Phillip advises taking note of poor grammar and spelling, particularly if a person says they are from Australia. Terms such as “my dear” and pet names such as “honey” or “babe” early on are often an indication that something isn’t right.
• Pictures: Examine photos carefully for any signs of doctoring. Google’s Reverse Image Search is a useful tool to help you discover the source of an image, and whether it appears anywhere else on the internet.
• Moving too fast: Scammers will often profess strong feelings very early on, and try to move your communication to another messaging platform to avoid detection. If you’re unsure, show the messages to a friend to get an objective opinion.
• Requests for money: Never send money or give credit card details, online account details, or copies of important personal documents to anyone you don’t know or trust.

*Name has been changed.

For more tips on living well in older age, grab a copy of the Living+ liftout with your Herald Sun on Saturday, September 21.