You should never throw your partner under the bus in public. Unless they once wiped their feet on the complementary hot towel in business class. Speaking of which... I'm airing out my dirty laundry. Here are the revealing truths you learn about your relationship - and the etiquette rules you must follow - if you travel at the Pointy End of the plane with your partner. Be warned: turbulence ahead.
In every couple there is one person who sits there feigning interest as the airline crew do the safety demonstration, and another who has their noise cancelling headphones on, cleaning between their toes with the hot towel provided, not giving a damn. However, you shouldn't get too annoyed with your partner if they are the shameless hot towel menace and you are the overly bashful people pleaser - someone has to tell the flight attendants you ordered the veggie curry, not the steak, and it sure isn't going to be you...
We get it, you're excited. There's Grand Reserve to slurp, Dom Perignon to drink, Rawson's Private Release Chardie to froth over. But wait. Keep Mumm. Don't be a Brut. Hold your excitement until the economy passengers have found their seats, lest they judge you for your indulgence (or look at your Bellini mournfully as they walk past).
Yes, some business class suites are designed to turn into double beds. Yes, this is very cute. But no: this is not your private lounge room.
As one passenger recently warned on a popular frequent flyers' blog, if you spend too long perched at the end of your partner's seat having a conversation with them, the cabin crew can tell you to bugger off, because the seats are designed for one person, not two (yes, even in business class). This is predominantly a safety issue (but also one of good taste, as your long conversation might be irritating).
You're a couple, so you may as well work as a team. Even if you're not thirsty, graciously accept the freebie. Chances are your partner will gladly drink for two if you don't want it. Likewise, never order the exact same drink as your partner. If one gets a beer, the other should get a wine. That way you both get to try a wider variety of drinks.
Jealousy inducing at best (who is scratching MY back!?), nauseating at worst, no one wants to see you combing each other's hair, popping each other's zits or giving each other back massages mid flight.
