Why are we still talking about ‘feminine energy’?

And what does 'feminine' even mean?

As controversial content about a woman's place in a relationship gains traction online, we can't help but wonder why the term 'feminine energy' has found its way back into the conversation. 

 

Another week, another “manfluencer” with a mic telling women how to live. This time, it's podcaster Chris Griffin, who suggested that women should embrace ‘feminine’ passivity to maintain healthy relationships. Spoiler: it involves silence, softness, and “hot girl walks”.

A recent episode of his “educational” podcast argues that he doesn’t want his partner to work “if she doesn’t want to” and that women should be harnessing their "feminine energy". He claims, “If you feel the need to go and work to make money and then you’re complaining about your day - when we don’t need you to make money because you’re sorted.”

His co-host agrees, saying a man needs “calm, harmony, peace, and love” when he returns from his busy day of... fishing, surfing, and flaunting his abs on Instagram? Tiring stuff.

If my jaw wasn’t already on the floor, Griffin continues: “This is why I heavily encourage hot girl walks. I would love my partner to go on a hot girl walk with her friends every day. She gets this feminine energy, they get to talk their sh*t and they get to have a bit of excitement about their day.”

The concept of "feminine energy" irks me; it’s gender essentialism disguised as empowerment. As Associate Professor Lauren Rosewarne of the University of Melbourne says: “Culturally, there’s a long history of categorising traits as male or female, and those that are female are generally undervalued and seen as frivolous and less important.”

This idea reduces women to a commodity; nurturing, passive, pleasing. As Laura Henshaw, co-founder and CEO of Kic, aptly says: “As women, we do not exist to ‘serve’ our partners... To live our days so we can be in a ‘good mood’ for them.”

If my day consisted of “going on hot-girl walks” and “collecting postcards”, I’d be bored out of my mind, wreaking havoc in our 1950s home.

Henshaw continues: “Freedom in a relationship is having equality. I do wonder how you plan to pay your partner’s superannuation as well as your own? How would you support a partner if you [broke] up? If she has been out of the workforce for years? Would you continue to financially support her then, as you have had the space and time to build your career and she has not?”

These regressive and fantastical ideologies can play a subtle but dangerous part in encouraging misogynistic behaviour, coercive control and financial abuse. 

Women have our own dreams, passions and pursuits. “If women are sacrificing their own desires and ambitions for the sake of their relationships with men while supporting men to succeed in their careers, women will continue to be under-represented in many areas of professional life,” says Beatrice Alba, lecturer in psychology at Deakin University. “Women might end up disappointed because they routinely forfeit their own wishes for the sake of their partner's. Overly compliant women often end up being taken for granted by their partners.”

While I recognise that some may want this lifestyle, it frames women’s worth as tied to narrow, outdated definitions of femininity, rather than empowering them to be their authentic selves. It feels like a personal attack. If I were to adhere to archaic feminine ideals – nurturing, domestic, meek, passive, prioritising beauty standards – I’d need a personality bypass. I’m impartial towards children, I’m aggressive, often loud, confident, and care more about having big muscles than a perfectly made-up face. Does this make me any less deserving of a relationship?

Overly compliant women often end up being taken for granted by their partners. Image: iStock

When a man told my friend “to smile” at a bar, she shot back, “You won’t be smiling when I punch you in the face.” While I don’t condone violence, we’re tired of unsolicited advice on how to carry ourselves?

Many women have grown up fighting generational prejudice against being “non-feminine” women. I grew up with a mother who has constantly struggled with her body and appearance. Since I’m her carbon copy, everything she hates about herself, she hates about me. Combined with a steadfast belief that I can’t be happy if I’m always single, it’s a nightmare. 

The wellness, self-help and “manfluencer” industries, as Rosewarne points out, “are about finding ways to sell stuff… convincing people that gender should be at the centre of their identity, and that there are countless gendered products we must buy to ‘properly do’ gender.” They profit off the idea that our worth is tied to how closely we conform to gender norms. 

Netflix's 'Adolescence' kick-started the conversation about the devastating consequences of 'masculine' content online. Image: Netflix

So, women can be sporty, but only if we still fit into the conformist box of beauty.  Because I do sports like CrossFit and weightlifting, my physique apparently fits outside of that box. My mum always questions “Why do you want to look like a man? Men don’t find it attractive.” When I threatened to call the guy I was dating to see if he agreed, I was met with an unimpressed glare. 

The prevalence of these generational views of attractive “feminine energy” is depressing. While it doesn’t bother me, “For other women, these might exploit insecurities they already have and potentially encourage her to present a smaller, seemingly more palatable version of herself,” warns Rosewarne.

Griffin also overlooks a growing cultural shift, where women are drawn to men who reject traditional masculinity. Celebrities like Pedro Pascal, affectionately called “zaddy,” embody a more emotionally vulnerable masculinity - one where depth, emotional intelligence, and tenderness are seen as strengths. This evolution is part of a broader cultural shift, where we see men as emotional beings, not just stoic providers.

This evolution is part of a broader cultural shift, where we see men as emotional beings, not just stoic providers. Image: Getty.

It’s no longer about being perpetually tough; it’s about being whole people, with flaws, emotions, and softness. And it’s not just women who are embracing this - many men are too, as they push back against the suffocating traditional standards of masculinity.

Progressive culture calls for a shift toward a more inclusive understanding of identity, free from the constraints of “feminine” and “masculine” labels. Alba sums it up: “This essentialist thinking restricts people into roles that don’t align with their true selves and prevents us from living authentically. Our identity doesn’t have to be gendered.”

So, be right back – I’m off to arm wrestle some blokes at the pub because that’s my authentic self.

Originally published as Why are we still talking about ‘feminine energy’?