The ‘Cinderella rule’ is the hack your sex life has been waiting for

When do you turn into a pumpkin?

Life can get in the way of sex, especially when events, responsibilities and general admin start to pile up. There are countless hacks to help couples prioritise intimacy, but the ‘Cinderella rule’ may be the one to stick.

It’s not rare for life to get in the way of good sex. 

Regardless of how big a priority it is in your relationship, when life gets hectic and stress levels get high, it can very quickly be pushed to the bottom of the to-do list.

While scheduling may sound like the least sexy thing in the world, Body+Soul’s resident sexologist, Chantelle Otten said, “Spontaneous sex is great, but scheduled sex can be just as hot. Rather than just thinking of it as something on your to-do list, it’s about building anticipation, excitement and pleasure for both parties. It also somehow feels a little bit more naughty.”

Designating time for intimacy can be the key to reviving your relationship. Some couples even go so far as to set a designated day to pencil it in. 

Others are going one step further to make sure they know exactly when both parties are in the mood amid packed calendars.

The ‘Cinderella rule’ is helping them prioritise sex, without accidentally staying up all night. 

What is the Cinderella rule? Image: iStock

What is the Cinderella rule?

No, you don’t have to drop a shoe, sweep a whole house or talk to mice; the hack simply relies on you setting boundaries.

A lot of us have cut-off times for using our phones, eating dinner and reading before bed.

Metro’s Alice Giddings wrote to follow the rule, you “simply set a cut off point in your head for when intimacy will no longer be on the cards – this way you don’t have to worry about being exhausted the next morning.”

A less rigid variant of scheduling, the rule helps you to communicate that you’re open to sex, while mediating expectations if your mood changes as the night goes on.

“My ‘turn into a pumpkin’ cut off is 10:30pm, and ideally this is when it’ll be lights out and off to snoozeville. This means my cut off for intimacy starting is 10.10pm latest…”

She suggested indicating that sex is on the cards to your partner hours before your cut off, but that you “mention in passing the cut off point.”

A less rigid variant of scheduling, the rule helps you to communicate that you’re open to sex, while mediating expectations if your mood changes as the night goes on.

Giddings insisted the approach can help build anticipation

“It allows a window of time for you or your partner to get creative with making the first move – so it doesn’t feel like a now or never ultimatum. Just a ‘now until 10.30pm’”, she wrote.

As holistic sex coach Ella D’Aloia told Body+Soul, spontaneous desire isn’t the only type of desire, so if you’re just waiting until you and your partner happen to get in the mood, you may be waiting a while.

Giddings insisted the approach can help build anticipation as you both subconsciously count down, so maybe it’s worth getting out the glass slippers and setting your ‘turn into a pumpkin’ cut off.

Originally published as The ‘Cinderella rule’ is the hack your sex life has been waiting for