Mum’s ‘below the belt’ comment over new hobby

It’s a sport I’d long hoped to try but after my first class my mum hit me with this below the belt comment, writes Mel Buttle.

The Chinese have a saying: the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is today.

There’s been something I’ve always wanted to try, it’s been on my mind for a few years now and, no, it’s not using a slice of pizza as a tortilla for a taco. I’m saving that for a very special occasion.

I’ve always fancied trying boxing. I thought I might already have some of the basics of boxing in hand – I punch the rubbish down into the bin each week to make it fit, and I’m light on my feet dancing around other shoppers sorting through the meat to find the cheapest chicken breast packet.

This sudden interest in boxing may seem out of character. I hate conflict, physical exertion and new things. However, something always stirred in me when I watched movies about boxing and, more superficially, from a fashion stance, who doesn’t want to wear nice silky shorts and a baggy hoodie? Count me in for one of those dressing gowns with my last name on the back too please.

Where’s my personalised dressing gown? Mel asks.

I’m two classes in, and it’s hit me that a personalised dressing gown is a long way off. After my first class I told my mum that one of the instructors was missing a tooth from her top row of teeth, in the exact same spot that I’m missing a tooth.

My mum sassily replied with, “I’d say she got hers knocked out in a boxing match, not munching on a piece of cold chocolate like you.” Bit below the belt.

To be honest, that’s another reason I’ve taken up boxing. I have a habit of thinking I deserve a little choccie treat just for existing each day.

There are two main groups of people in the class, there are the real deal fighters who are training to get in the ring which, as I’ve recently found out is actually a square. Then there are those like me who are there for fitness but also want to learn some skills. I’d go further and add, some of us are also hoping to be told we’re like a female Jeff Fenech and we should quit our jobs immediately and turn pro.

It’s annoying to take your gloves off to drink water.

You can spot the fighters easily, they’re lean, they can skip without the rope hitting their shins and they had the smarts to bring a drink bottle without a screw-top lid. It’s very annoying to have to take your gloves off to have some water.

My boxing instructor Suli has his work cut out for him with me – did I mention I’m also uncoordinated, unfit and shocking at following instructions?

I think after getting to know me a little bit Suli summed up my issues with boxing and pretty much everything else in life with this apt comment, “Mel, when you don’t think about it and just do it, it’s great.”

Oh Suli, you’re a wise man. I do think writing L and R on my gloves and shoes would still be a good idea to get me through this rookie stage. I can punch hard, or fast, not both, it’s one or the other, at this stage the only combination I’ve got is skin.

Boxing is very, very hard. Under extreme physical exhaustion, you still need to concentrate on moving, throwing punches, keeping a strong stance, and working out how you’re going to get your drink bottle open without taking your gloves off.

The best time to start boxing was 20 years ago, the next best time is next week, once I get the use of my arms back.

Originally published as Mum’s ‘below the belt’ comment over new hobby