How Chantelle Otten is helping Aussies have better sex
Delving into the steamier side of connection as a sexologist, Chantelle Otten has learnt how to balance sharing parts of herself to build a profile with her role as a respected health expert.
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As the nation’s most recognisable sexologist, Chantelle Otten understands there’s a point where she risks blurring the lines in people’s understanding of her role as a therapist and clinician. In fact, she says, she’s intentionally toned down her own public persona to avoid it.
At her clinic in Melbourne’s east, Otten, 33, investigates her clients’ intimate moments in the greatest detail; their innermost desires, complexities, health conditions, kinks, and even traumas, are all laid bare.
It’s enough to make even the most unflappable feel the heat rise to their cheeks. For Otten, who doesn’t even bat an eyelid at the mention of any sexual activity, it really is just another day in the office.
“I don’t have sex with people and that’s not my job; my job is to make people’s sex lives better, and me showing myself as a sexual person isn’t something that I really do at all anymore,” she explains, touching on common misconceptions associated with her line of work.
Those familiar with Otten’s achievements will recall moments when the Dutch beauty, as part of her growing list of paid collaborations, modelled lingerie to share with her 192,000 Instagram followers in a move which some suggested did blur those lines.
But Otten, whose velvety voice oozes a genuine warmth, playfulness and zest for life, takes it all – criticism included – in her stride.
“These are things that I probably wouldn’t be doing now in my career but you’ve got to remember most of my work (with patients) is pro bono, so I’ve also got to pay the bills at some point. But I’ve realised now where I feel most comfortable,” the award-winning sexologist says candidly.
“I also have patients that are coming in and sitting in front of me, and I don’t want them viewing me in a sexual way. I’m already in their bedroom enough, because I’m up here,” she says, motioning to her head. “I don’t want to be in their bedroom in a different capacity.
“We’ve also had some security risks over the past two years that have really scared me, not because of me being a sexual person, but just from having a profile. That has made me pull back too.
“I probably realised about 18 months ago that being so public-facing in that way is just not it for me.”
Let’s be very clear, though: dialling it back online – from raunchier shots or her personal life with wheelchair tennis champion Dylan Alcott – doesn’t mean she harbours any regrets.
“When I first started my Instagram, there were no photos of me on there at all. If you scroll back to the beginning, it’s all facts not photos, and this is before I met Dylan,” she reminiscences, as the couple’s dachshund Sauce lazes just out of the frame of our video call.
“I remember when we met he said that I needed to put my face to my work because people want to see who is behind this content. I didn’t want them to judge me because of how I look, how young I was and what I’m presenting – because that is something that comes with this territory. People do judge you based on your looks and I just wanted to keep it about my work.
“But I listened to him, I leant into it and I’m very glad I did because it’s provided me with a lot of opportunities.”
Simply put, the author and podcaster – currently in the midst of an “uphill journey” of self-discovery – is embracing a new season of life and investing more energy into what feels right for her, right now.
So, has she finally discovered the perfect balance regarding what to share with her growing fanbase?
Otten, unafraid to step into moments of vulnerability and admit that she most certainly doesn’t know it all, concedes: “Every year I’m figuring it out because every year there’s a different development.
“Now it would be more of this stuff, more conversational, showing a little bit more about what I am about, what I like and what I don’t like. It wouldn’t be in a capacity that would, you know, be exposing.
“There have been times maybe where I’ve leaned too much into showing myself online and that was probably during the Covid period, just when I was figuring out what people actually wanted.”
It would be remiss not to touch on the intense public gaze which followed after making public her romance with national treasure, disability advocate and former Australian of the Year Alcott, after meeting at his book launch in 2018.
Finally, chatter around sex toys, orientation, self-pleasure and gender identity – albeit well overdue – was broadcast to society in a way it rarely had before.
No, it wasn’t the plot line of a hit television series where the fantasies of a lead character could safely play out. It was real, raw discussions – no shame and no secrecy – often led by Otten as she sat on the couch of a prime-time talkback show. And that, along with founding the Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine in 2016 and her self-titled sex therapy clinic roughly two years later, will forever be part of her legacy.
“I’ve done the experiment for younger, up-and-coming sexologists to-be, I’ve done all of that stuff,” Otten says.
“I can advise now what the best way to go about it is because we also have a lot of up-and-comers who say, ‘I want to be a sexologist, but I also want to do OnlyFans’, but you actually can’t, you’re a therapist. You can pick a lane and that’s probably the best way to go.”
It is at her clinic – where she started as the only staffer and now hosts a team reaching into the dozens – that she thrives.
“We have such a variety of patients coming through the doors, from desire discrepancies, painful sex conditions, premature ejaculation, to some really complex things and that’s my speciality,” Otten explains, revealing she was always drawn to helping others as a young girl.
“Those who have gone through extreme trauma or those who really struggle with being social … a lot of my patients who have come in, and they’re getting referred, some of them haven’t even been able to verbalise or look me in the eye.”
Her parents – Otten lights up at the mere mention of her biggest fans – always welcomed the uncomfortable conversations many adults often prefer to avoid with their little ones.
“Sex was always a really normal topic in my house,” Chantie, as she’s lovingly known to her nearest and dearest, says proudly.
“We weren’t talking about what we were up to, but there was so many sex jokes. My parents were always like, ‘sex is an extremely important part of marriage’. They just said it’s not something to compromise on, it’s something to always work on.
“I think (my career in) sexology didn’t really surprise them. I remember my dad, when I told him that I got into my master’s degree, he started crying on the phone because he was so proud of me.”
Since then, there’s been best-selling book The Sex Ed You Never Had, podcast Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten, brand deals, and keynote speaking whenever possible to round out a jam-packed schedule.
Never one to take her foot off the gas, the latest endeavour comes in the form of hotly anticipated dating podcast Give Me a Buzz, co-hosted alongside good friend Lucille McCart.
“We just had the best f--king time, I loved it,” Otten says of the new Bumble series which deep dives into modern dating culture with the help of popular names like Cheek Media’s chief feminist Hannah Ferguson.
“Dating can be really challenging, especially putting yourself out there on a dating app and trying to make this resume of yourself to present to the world – it’s hard,” Otten says.
“You don’t want to stand out but you have to when it comes to dating profiles, so I really encourage people to just be authentic and be themselves. Put all your talents on that piece of paper and absolutely back yourselves.”
So, what’s her take on social media in general and its impacts on new-age romance?
“It’s helping in terms of being able to give advice to people on how to feel confident, and how to approach certain scenarios and learn what is acceptable and what is not acceptable,” she says.
“There’s also more need for healthier role models for men. There is this trend of people who are probably not great role models on social media and that really sucks.
“I think that’s validating some very toxic, patriarchal views.”
On the plus side, social media has allowed Otten to connect with others considering undergoing IVF or egg freezing, after publicly documenting her own journey, as well as those discovering inter-abled romances.
“From our perspective, it really wasn’t spoken about. Dyl is disabled and I’m not. For him, he spoke about the fact that there were no role models in this area (when he was younger). It’s not that we want to be talking about our sex lives at all,” she explains when asked about their advocacy.
“But it’s important for us to be able to say, you know what? Inter-abled relationships are hot, and sex as a disabled person is really hot, and you should enjoy it.”
With such a full plate, it’s truly no wonder Otten, who’s also considering further egg freezing to become a donor, burns out multiple times a year.
“I call them rage walks,” Otten shares frankly when asked how she manages the inevitable toll that comes with unpacking a patient’s trauma, as well as the national crisis currently gripping Australia in which one woman is killed every four days by a man.
“There’s a lot to be angry at, especially right now with what’s going on in the world – all of the activism around violence against women at the moment – it’s really upsetting and I find myself at times getting really teary about it.
“With my patients, there’s so much that I take on of that as well.
“I take on a huge amount of emotion, so when I get home from work sometimes I’ll just go on a walk and stomp around my neighbourhood with my music blaring and that will be like sometimes 10 or 11pm at night and I love not running into anyone I know.”
“But I also talk to my girlfriends, and then I just focus on laughter and I snuggle with my dog you know, he’s great as well. I can really easily isolate myself when I’m processing emotion, which is all the time, and so my main thing is to know when to stop doing that and when to get out of your bubble and go do fun things.”
Speaking of fun things, what’s our favourite sexologist got up her sleeve next?
“God, I don’t have a five-year plan, I don’t even have a monthly plan” she laughs, her beaming smile making its way back to her face.
“I just go with what comes and I’m just lucky that lots of opportunities do come. I would love to do some time in the US.”
She pauses for a very brief second: “Personal growth, I think that’s like my main thing. I’m curious to see where I’m at personally in the next couple of years.”
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