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Fran Whiting on the one thing you should never buy

Because I learn nothing from my mistakes, I recently did something which not only repeated a past one, but it has also been the cause for deep regret, writes Fran Whiting.

Fran Whiting has deep regret over her purchase of a white couch.
Fran Whiting has deep regret over her purchase of a white couch.

I don’t believe people when they say they don’t regret anything. This is because I regret so many things. From questionable career choices to past partners, including a far too long romance with a man who wore leather trousers who wasn’t Michael Hutchence.

As all reasonable people know, Hutchence remains the only man on earth to successfully wear leather trousers, just as Edith Piaf remains the only woman on earth I believe when she says “non, je ne regrette rien”.

Now the people who say they regret nothing are usually the same people who say they’re glad something terrible happened to them because it taught them a valuable life lesson.

Not me. I hate it when terrible things happen to me, I don’t want to learn any sort of lesson from it, other than I would very much like it not to happen again.

And because I learn nothing from my mistakes, I recently did something which not only repeated a past one – impulse purchasing – but it has also been the cause for deep regret.

I bought a white couch. I know. A fabric one.

Frances Whiting.
Frances Whiting.

Again, I know. I don’t know what I was thinking. Well I do actually. I was thinking for a moment that I was the sort of person who could successfully own a white couch.

I was thinking while I was in that fancy showroom that the kids were grown up, we were all civilised adults, we would never eat on that couch, and that Wilson would not be allowed on it. I was also very clearly thinking about another family.

Here’s the thing. You have to be a certain sort of person to own a white couch – the exact same person who, when they get new, wooden, polished floors ask people to take their shoes off when they come into their home.

We had brand new polished floors and we did ask visitors to take their shoes off at the door.

Fran Whiting regrets buying a white couch.
Fran Whiting regrets buying a white couch.

This lasted approximately one day. Now our floors look like RayGun and her street crew have been rehearsing on it.

Similarly with the white couch. The “we won’t eat on it/nap on it/put our feet up on it/allow the dog on it” lasted about three weeks, until each one of these rules was broken, after I grew tired of shrieking: “You can’t have that on the couch!” every five minutes. It was exhausting and clearly not tenable.

It turns out my husband was right – and please enjoy reading that last sentence, John, it will never happen again – we are not a white couch family. We are a spread out on the couch family. We are a keep-your-shoes-on or kick-them-off when you come into our house kind of family. We are a slightly messy, slightly chaotic, owners of a very large, very recalcitrant golden retriever family.

Sometimes we work like a well-oiled machine, sometimes we fall apart, occasionally, there is shouting, sometimes there are long, resentful silences, but mostly there is good chat and laughter.

And, in the funny way that life gives us things we didn’t even know we needed, and with a dollop of good fortune, it turns out that we are exactly the right family for us.

Not a white couch one. More of a well-worn and well-loved armchair – built for comfort, not style.

Originally published as Fran Whiting on the one thing you should never buy

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Original URL: https://www.heraldsun.com.au/lifestyle/vweekend/i-dont-know-what-i-was-thinking-fran-whiting-on-the-one-thing-you-should-never-buy/news-story/9ad5560f9f9405380f1c0f8e84cbefd0