The Melbourne-themed Halloween outfits to terrify your neighbours
If you really want your child to strike fear into the hearts of the neighbours this Halloween, there are a few Melbourne-themed outfits that nobody wants to see coming. Here are six truly horrifying costumes that will scare Melburnians.
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ROADWORKS GHOUL
A highway dwelling ghoul of eternal torment to passing traffic, this sign-spinning spectre heralds the beginning of at least six long months of road problems for your local area.
As workers seem to rip the road up and put it down again for no reason, shift piles of gravel around and talk to each other on radios while standing around, the lollipop holder ferries the damned at 30km/h into a merged lane surrounded by a forest of witches hats.
Will you ever be rid of this melancholy display? Or will you have to take the back road to the shops for eternity?
Add a project completion calendar marked 2050 to this costume for extra chills.
GREY GHOST
With a black hat and a black heart, this grey ghost appears like the grim reaper when your time is up.
But unlike the earthly term of the soul, measured in decades, this ghost returns to claim its bounty when two hours exactly passes.
Having usually trained recreationally in a martial art or self defence due to the high number of ugly confrontations with frustrated driver, the parking inspector is lethal if pushed.
Give your child the confidence of municipal by laws to slam any overstayer with a crippling fine, doubled if they pay late.
Some fake parking tickets on windscreens would be an especially spooky addition. But of course that’s illegal so don’t do it.
HOODED TERROR
This costume will send an icy dagger into the hearts of retail workers and outer suburbs homeowners across the state.
These cackling poltergeist apparitions haunt electronics stores, swarming in great numbers before vanishing.
The electronics also have a habit of vanishing with them.
Include a document listing bail conditions to make it extra clear that no earthly judicial body has the wherewithal to halt these demons’ eternal thieving march.
A knock at the door during trick or treating will have any suburban family calling Crimsafe first thing in the morning.
Add a blunt sporting or hardware instrument for extra menace.
Maybe don’t use this costume if your kids are aged 9 or over because somebody might actually call the police.
CHARITY STALKER
It’s late at night and you’re walking through a dark car park behind a supermarket.
You’re still forty metres from the car when all the street lights go out at once.
Your breath quickens and you hurry. But then, right in front of you, you see it.
“How are you today? Got a spare minute to talk about …”
You turn and sprint but they have you surrounded. There’s no way out. The charity muggers converge and eat you.
Here’s a costume that’s bound to make anybody cross to the other side of the street, even in broad daylight.
If your child isn’t too embarrassed to wear it, and can pull off a convincing Norwegian accent, this is an easy and chilling option.
CLIMATE PROTEST ZOMBIE
Like the relentless shriek of infinite damnation, climate protesters seem to keep the city gridlocked in grim perpetuity.
What scarier costume could there be than a uni student with an eternity to spend on inconveniencing others.
With an undergraduate degree from a university in danger of losing its international rating and jeans that were bought with holes already in them, this moaning zombie strikes fear into the souls of police horses everywhere.
Not afraid to throw a whole city into chaos but very afraid of vocational training, dealing with this shapeshifting monster is tricky business.
A walk down Collins St on Halloween will have mining industry workers rolling their eyes and clenching their fists with worry.
But make sure you keep any child wearing this costume well away from any actual climate protests or they might cop some pepper spray in the face.
Trick or treat.
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HASHTAG HORROR
Even when you thought this amateur model was blocked from your social media for good, narcissistic posts still appear in the witching hour, trying to suppress your self esteem.
Selfies on a Thai beach, confected poses at Arbory afloat and a suspiciously low like-to-follower ratio accompany this attention-seeking banshee on a twisted mission for approval.
With the best followers that money can buy and full list of high school friends with whom they’ve fallen out, the influencer is set to stun.
If another child in the group has forgotten their costume, tell them to simply act like a bored partner and follow the influencer around taking photos of them on a phone.
Cute!