Sonia Kruger on school holidays: ‘I felt like a hostage’

In her latest column for Stellar, Sonia Kruger breathes a sigh of relief as she sends her children back to school.

Can someone please call the authorities and get them to send help? Immediately?! No, honestly, this is a code-red situation... I’m flatlining.

What day is it? Where am I? When will it end? Sorry. Let me explain.

You see, I started writing this column just over two weeks ago, when I was

losing all perspective (and my wits) as the school holidays well and truly dug their grip into me and refused to let go.

Like most parents, I was trapped with my child for an inhumane period of time, no escape in sight. It really did start to feel like a hostage situation.

During the break, my personal parent/child relationship reached Stockholm-syndrome

status. The chilling realisation came when my seven-year-old gave me permission to

go to the toilet, and I actually felt grateful.

Sonia Kruger: ‘you start to crave some “alone time” with George Clooney’ Picture: Supplied

It’s only now that I’ve had the chance to sit and finish writing – I told you I was

trapped – that I’m re-reading my opening paragraph and thinking we need to rewind

to what was a much more peaceful time.

The honest truth is that starting the school holidays is a lot like embarking on a new romance. It’s all exciting and shiny and new.

The routine of uniforms, school lunches and drop-offs are left for dust in the rear-view mirror, and around every corner is a fun adventure that doesn’t require a small army of to-do lists.

Gradually, though – like some relationships – the shine wears off and you start to crave George Clooney... I mean, you start to crave some “alone time” with George Clooney.

Alone time is key here because being shadowed 24/7 by a small person is like being under surveillance by the KGB. I tried everything to keep my child entertained.

We had play dates and sleepovers, when it would seem that everyone got to sleep – except Mum. We made cupcakes, cookies and muffin tops (the last one just for me, as a result of said baking).

I was surrounded by more slime than a Nickelodeon event and I never, ever want to play

Yahtzee, Uno or Monopoly again. Actually, that’s not strictly true, since nothing beats the

thrill of rolling a perfect six. Am I right?

So just as we can’t wait for the school holidays to start, we then can’t wait for them to finish. And as sure as Easter eggs are in stores in the blink of an eye, we’re desperate for the next lot of holidays to start as soon as our kids go back.

After the term started, I spent hours in the kitchen (otherwise known as the panic room with a kettle) thinking about the mistakes I’d made and blaming myself for not being ready for when school finally went back.

Sonia Kruger’s latest column appears in this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Daniel Nadel for Stellar.

Like fallen New Year’s resolutions, the uniforms, stationery and that systemised lunch box plan I’d been vowing to have in place remained untouched.

Where did those endless hours of the school holidays actually go? Why do we wish away our

time and want what we don’t have when what we actually have is time with our children that we’ll cherish forever?

It was then, my friends, that I landed on the moral of the story: the holiday grass isn’t always greener on the other side... Unless it’s George Clooney’s backyard.

Sonia Kruger hosts Big Brother and The Voice on the Seven Network.

Originally published as Sonia Kruger on school holidays: ‘I felt like a hostage’