Sam Armytage: ‘Everything old is new again’

“IN breaking news, we have a US president accused of philandering,” writes Sam Armytage. “The Russians are agitating the world. And teen girls are screaming over boy bands. It’s like nothing we’ve seen before.”

Samantha Armytage: “Life is full of comebacks.”

ANSWER me this: if scientists can graft an ear onto the back of a mouse, why can’t humanity stop Clive Palmer re-entering politics?

Recent talk of the controversial Queenslander threatening to return to the halls of Canberra caused me to roll my eyes so badly I had to book an appointment with my GP.

What do we think of The Comeback? Not Clive’s, that’s just ridiculous. But what about comebacks in general?

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Hollywood movies would have us believe they’re what life’s all about.

But then I find my life is always more inspirational to others when I have an uplifting soundtrack, some clever editing and a superhuman, gorgeous actor playing the role of me (complete with a chef and personal trainer).

Clive Palmer: The Ultimate Comeback Kid? (Pic: Cameron Laird)

If La La Land (the place, not the movie) has taught us anything, it’s that there’s no such thing as a good sequel. (Hello, The Fast And The Furious 40!?)

But in reality, what does the old look like when it tries to become new again?

Was Lazarus really that cool once he rose from the dead? (Well, he was a diseased beggar to begin with so I imagine he wasn’t that “cool” in the first place...)

Isn’t it that wily old coyote Tony Abbott’s prerogative to hover around the backbench ready to tip a boulder onto roadrunner Turnbull below? Meep, meep.

Power games aside, when it comes to the triumph of the human spirit, the big question remains: how much cold, hard cashola can you make before you depart this earth? (Hello, The Fast And The Furious 40!?)

Don’t get me wrong, I love Whispering Jack, but how many times can one man come out of retirement to tour again for the “last time”? I’m joking. John Farnham can do whatever he likes. And who cares if Elton John wants to take three years to say “See ya”?

Who cares if millennials think they invented big, round sunglasses, man buns and crop tops (hello, Woodstock)? And who cares if the Kardashians think they invented the Rubenesque physique?

Life is full of comebacks.

Britney Spears, Martha Stewart, Rob Lowe, Mel Gibson, Wayne Carey, Hugh Grant, the Richmond footy club, MC Hammer pants, Posh Spice (worst singer, best fashion designer) — to name just a few.

It’s called Teflon, people.

If you have a hide like a frying pan and a quick hiatus (punctuated by paparazzi shots), then the world can again be your oyster. With a bit of Botox and a deal with Caesars Palace, everything old can really be new again.

Samantha Armytage’s column is in this week’s issue of Stellar.

As Peter Allen once sang, Don’t throw the past away, you might need it some other rainy day.

And guess what? A few decades later that other Boy from Oz, Hugh Jackman, picked it up and shimmied it along.

In other breaking-news-that’s-never-happened-before, we have a US president accused of philandering and treason.

The Russians are agitating the world.

And teenage girls are screaming hysterically over boy bands.

I mean, honestly, these are truly firsts. It’s like nothing we’ve seen before.

We youngsters (yes, I am using the word subjectively) scoff at the olden days, wondering how they coped way back when, in a time before Snapchat and electricity.

In this modern era of redemption, wheel reinvention and Brexit... it’s possible Clive Palmer could become our first president.

And, speaking of reviving dinosaurs, while we’re at it let’s make Coolum great again.

Samantha co-hosts Sunrise, 5.30am weekdays, on the Seven Network.

READ MORE EXCLUSIVES FROM STELLAR.

Originally published as Sam Armytage: ‘Everything old is new again’