Emily Ratajkowski reveals experiences around sex, consent in new book

Model and actress Emily Ratajkowski opens up to Stellar about how “nervous” she feels in the wake of the release of her new book, which reveals her intimate and traumatic experiences around sex and consent.

You’ve modelled for major labels, from Miu Miu and Dolce & Gabbana to Versace, acted in films including Gone Girl in 2014 and I Feel Pretty in 2018, launched your own swimwear line, Inamorata, and have just released your first book, My Body. In the personal non-fiction essays, you reveal very intimate and, at times, traumatic experiences around sex and consent. Do you feel nervous having these stories out in the world?

I do feel quite nervous. In some ways, I feel like [I’ve already shared] quite a bit of my life. In other ways, I suppose I’ve never exposed myself in the way that I do in the book.

The book definitely tackles consent and also the ways that I’ve been complicit in a lot of these dynamics, which is really what I’m interested in – the complicated grey area of these situations and of the world we live in.

I wrote it, of course, so that women could connect to my experience. But I also wrote it in many ways for myself. Now, as people are starting to read it, it’s very validating and feels so good to have my perspective and my story in the world so that it’s permanent.

A section in which you discuss an alleged incident with singer Robin Thicke during filming of his ‘Blurred Lines’ video clip in 2013 when you were 21 was leaked a few months ago. Over the years, had you considered speaking out about it?

I certainly did not want the way that it came out in public to happen the way that it did, because I don’t feel like it’s some kind of “speaking out”.

When people read the book, hopefully they’ll understand why I included that [anecdote], which to me is this perfect example of my experience as a woman – that in many ways I did feel powerful, I had so much success off of that big break and I actually had fun for most of it.

But the power dynamics at play on that set were what they were, so I think it says something larger about women’s position in the world and especially models. Abuse and assault – we have really specific definitions and ideas about what that should look like.

I certainly wouldn’t put my experience in the category of… there are a lot of things that I feel are really extreme, and I don’t really want to comment on where it lands. It’s more about the fact that anything inappropriate could happen.

What I’m hoping to do is point out a larger system that allows for abuse and mistreatment, but also unequal power dynamics that can be mischaracterised at first glance.

What’s been the reaction to it? Have you found that people are more open to hearing about these experiences post #MeToo?

Not so far. Since the news leaked, it’s been pretty horrendous on my Twitter. It’s funny because there’s so much irony – before the news leaked, I was doing a lot of interviews and people were like, “Post #MeToo era blah blah blah.”

And I was, “Yeah, power to women telling their stories.” Then, after the news leaked, I was like, “Right, this is why no-one talks about any of these experiences, because you just get completely ripped apart.”

This year you turned 30 and gave birth to your son, Sylvester Apollo Bear, with your husband, film producer Sebastian Bear-McClard. How has your sense of self changed as you’ve gotten older?

I see things differently. I was finishing the book when I turned 30 and had just had a baby three months before, so it was definitely a “Holy sh*t” moment. I felt so much growth from my previous self. It felt nice, like I’m evolving, and my life is growing and changing, and that feels really satisfying.

Becoming a mother – it’s definitely the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life. Nothing compares to it. And I don’t think anybody can prepare you for it. But it’s also, of course, incredibly rewarding.

NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 08: Emily Ratajkowski is seen on November 8, 2021 in New York City. (Photo by Raymond Hall/GC Images)

If you had a girl, do you think you’d deter her from modelling?

I would not deter any young woman from modelling, partly because how could I possibly say

that when I have had the life and success that I’ve had?

I would encourage them to understand that there are pros and cons to the experience. But if I did have a daughter, if she really wanted to model, I would insist on her waiting until she was an adult.

You caused a stir when you posted a photo less than two weeks after giving birth, with some people – including Australian actor Claire Holt – saying it made other women feel bad about their post-birth bodies.

I have a hard relationship with that kind of stuff because it’s just my body and it’s my experience.

I think that women’s bodies get talked about whether you snap back too fast or not quick enough, or your boobs are too big or too small, or you’re too skinny or too fat or whatever. I’ve just sort of gotten used to it to the point that now I don’t even pay attention.

My Body by Emily Ratajkowski (Hachette Australia, $32.99) is out now.

For more Stellar exclusives, pick up a copy inside this weekend’s The Sunday Telegraph (NSW), Sunday Herald Sun (Victoria), The Sunday Mail (Queensland) and Sunday Mail (SA).

Originally published as Emily Ratajkowski reveals experiences around sex, consent in new book