Jana Hocking on why sober dating is the best way to find the one

Podcaster Jana Hocking has found the perfect remedy to waking in a stranger’s bed with “many regrets” and it’s so simple.

When it comes to dating, many of us think that alcohol is the magical elixir that holds it all together. It calms the nerves, it get us in the mood, makes us think of witty come backs and gives us that light prod out the door we sometimes need before a date.

Magical isn’t it … well … not always.

Over the many years I’ve spent dating, I’ve learnt the hard way that there is a fine line between being ‘fun tipsy’ and just plain ol’ messy drunk.

One results in a cheeky kiss at the end of the night, the other results in waking up in some bloke’s bed with a very hazy memory as to how you got there and many regrets.

Like a lot of people, I get a spot of anxiety from time to time, and it really likes to rear its ugly head before a date. As much as we say “it’s just a casual drink”, it can often feel like a job interview. Yep, an interview for a soulmate. No pressure!

I would find myself downing two glasses of wine while I got ready for the date, which then resulted in tipsy Jana turning up right from the start. And one thing I have learnt is that when it comes to drinking I am most definitely a Cadbury – you know – a glass and a half and I am done.

Jana Hocking now knows two drinks is too many. Picture: Instagram.

Add to that the drinks that I will then consume on the date, and I don’t come off looking exactly like ‘wife material’.

I would start debates because I was bored, brag about my accomplishments (when in actual fact I was just feeling insecure) and laugh far too outrageously at a joke that was barely funny.

Now, I would like to say I had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment that made me instantly stop, but realistically it just became a case off waking up hungover after every date. It got boring, and it certainly wasn’t cute.

My Kinda Sorta Dating podcast guest this week Olivia Molly Rogers shared a very similar experience that led to her quitting booze altogether.

She just grew tired of getting into a fight with her boyfriend every time they drank. She started getting anxious at the start of the night, knowing that the same outcome was highly likely. Drink, blackout, start a fight, wake up with many regrets.

She chose to quit drinking completely, and I honestly tip my hat to her.

My path was a little different, I chose therapy instead, and put in place some very firm but very fair rules to set me on a better path when it comes to dating and drinking.

No longer do I have a pre-date drink. I use breathing techniques and great music to get me in the mood instead. I also now have a rule that for every glass of wine I drink, I have to consume a glass of water in-between. It works a treat, and no one ever notices you doing it.

I also have become the queen of ghosting. If I feel myself getting a little too boozy, I simply act like Cinderella and take myself home. I would rather apologise for leaving without saying goodbye, then make some bloke re-enact the Dirty Dancing jump and lift scene with me. And let’s be honest, nothing good ever happens after you’ve reached your drink limit.

The thought of going on a completely sober date still scares me, but I’ve given it a go, and honestly, it’s not as bad as you think it will be. Sometimes nerves can be turned into excitement, and sometimes it nice to feel slightly alive with a touch of fear.

There’s a lovely adrenaline rush once you get past those first date jitters, and even better … you remember every detail of the date.

And don’t even get me started on the joy of waking up without a throbbing headache and hangxiety. Olivia summed it up best when she quoted Albert Einstein on the poddy this week: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

It’s true, when every date is soaked in alcohol, can you really expect anything but a hot mess of a dating life. Nope. 2022 feels like a good year to give dating a slightly sober go!

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on why sober dating is the best way to find the one