My kid joined a group without permission because I'd always said no

"I wanted him to fit in - but he rebelled against the person I was forcing him to be."

Image: Nama Winston

Years ago, my son ​Winston, who’s now 17, ​came to me with an unexpected request.

He wanted to join a Chinese lion dancing group. You know, those groups that perform at Chinese New Year events with the colourful lion heads to celebrate special occasions with dance. 

We’d seen the occasional lion dance in restaurants over the years, and I knew my son enjoyed watching them, but I thought that was it.

Unbeknownst to me, Winston had become obsessed with watching YouTube videos of performances and had immersed himself in the culture online.

So I should have seen his request coming, but I hadn't been taking his interest seriously.

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Source: Instagram/Nama Winston

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I stuck to the idea of what he 'should' be

Meanwhile, here I was, encouraging him to ‘conform’ at school. His was in an all-boys one, which offered a huge variety of traditional sports and musical pursuits. I played hockey, so I thought he’d love it too. I adored the piano (and was terrible at it), so I insisted on that for a while.

Winston’s junior primary years were filled with activities as I thought a childhood should be; but it concerned me that while he loved the drums, he had no interest in team sports. He loved BMX racing, but loathed cricket and football.

I feared for the lack of the social aspect of belonging to a team with his peers. I thought he needed that.

Well, yes, he did; just not where we were seeking it. Or, where I thought we’d find it.

So when he came to me with the idea of doing Chinese lion dancing, I didn’t understand.

Winston, who was about eight at the time, told me he loved the dancing, the lion costume, and the drumming. I'll admit I was surprised that he was so interested in something so niche, to the point he wanted to join a group – at such a young age.

And that’s where I was super wrong.

Source: Instagram/Nama Winston

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Winston knew what he needed

You know how sometimes (or often) kids know what they need before you do as a parent? Well, Winston wouldn’t accept no. He pestered me about it for months, as I continued to crush his dreams.

My heart sinks thinking about it now.

But one day three years ago, a year after we had moved to Sydney, I discovered that Winston had joined Chinese dance group without asking me. Apparently, he'd found the group online, and emailed them, asking if he could join their team. They said yes.

Winston did have to confess after they'd accepted him, because he needed me to drive him to practice. That's when I finally realised this is what my son was destined to do.

I was nervous about the first practice, but I shouldn't have been. The team was so excited to have someone who was so interested in what they loved doing. They embraced and nurtured my non-Chinese kid from the moment we walked in the door, and all these years later, Winston considers them family. So do I.

Winston taught me to be a better mum and person. Image: Instagram/Nama Winston

No, we're not Chinese. And no, it wasn't the 'typical' sort of activity that kids do, like playing footy, or learning the piano. But none of that mattered to my son - he'd finally found his people. That was priceless.

I've watched the group go from young uni students, to married family men -and I couldn't ask for us to be surrounded by better people.

Winston has travelled with his group, and performed in front of the Opera House, under the stars. That glorious night, he was bursting with pride. Every Chinese New Year since then, the group blesses dozens of businesses around Sydney - from IKEA to most recently the Ferrari dealership.

Each performance gives me the proudest moments as a parent - and I can't take any credit it for it. I have Winston’s belief in himself – and his trust in me that I’d eventually do right by him - to thank for it all.

Originally published as My kid joined a group without permission because I'd always said no