I thought a having a girl would be easier than parenting a boy

"Vaginas I can do. Growing someone with a penis then working out what to do with it, that’s uncharted territory."

When I first found out I was pregnant, I knew without a doubt that I wanted a girl.

In fact, if I’m being honest, I probably felt that way before I even started a family. And I know I’m not alone. There are a few theories around why so many women want to have a daughter, ranging from the psychologically intense idea that they want to redo their own childhood and fix what they think went wrong to the more simplistic reason – it’s just what we know.

If we see ourselves reflected in our child, then we’ll understand them and their needs more. Vaginas I can do. Growing someone with a penis then working out what to do with it, that’s uncharted territory.

Everyone told me I was having a boy during my first pregnancy. How much do strangers love speculating on the gender of your baby?

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Even the lady who checked me in at the hospital told me between contractions – always a good time to have a conversation with someone – that it was a boy. She then proceeded to tell me she was never wrong. (I wanted to ask if she kept track of her predictions in the database in front of her, but I was busy giving birth.)

Now, this may shock you, given her confidence, but she was wrong. After my traumatic emergency caesarean, when the anaesthetist told me matter-of-factly that ‘it’ was a girl, it took me a few minutes to process this new piece of information. 

I’d just spent the better part of six months being told otherwise, plus there were the fifteen hours in labour and a general anaesthetic, so my brain was a little on the slow side.

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"I’m surprised by how much I also love having a boy"

The second time around, I had fortnightly scans because my cervix was shorter than Danny DeVito and they had to routinely check the length to make sure the baby didn’t fall out.

At least, that was my non-medical interpretation of what was going on. I went through the public system at Sydney’s Royal Prince Alfred Hospital, so I had a different sonographer for each scan. During one appointment, the body parts on the blob on the screen were being pointed out before she hesitated.

I squinted – was that what I thought it was? She looked at me over my bump and said, ‘You know what you’re having, don’t you?’ As I shook my head, she quickly moved the probe in the opposite direction and pretended like there was nothing to see here.

‘So, there’s the heart …’ It was what I thought it was.

After being so adamant in the beginning that having a girl would be easier, I’m surprised by how much I also love having a boy. 

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"There is a common sentiment that boys are easier to parent"

Maybe it’s not just gender, maybe it’s personality, maybe it’s birth order. It could be all three, who knows? I hate to admit it (and I apologise to my daughter if you’re reading this), but I’m probably more patient with him because I don’t see a version of myself reflected back.

Sure, he still drives me crazy sometimes, but not in the same way. My dad used to tell me that I clashed with my mum as a teen because we were so alike. I hated hearing that at the time, but now I can see he was right. We see our girls, we get them, we’ve been there, we know what’s ahead for them, and that can make things between a mother and a daughter more fraught and complex.

Whereas the relationship many mums have with their sons can be more simplistic because we are so different from them.

You may be nodding along or shaking your head in disagreement as you read this. Every child is different.

But amongst my friendship group, there is a common sentiment that boys are easier to parent. Much easier.

In fact, I probably didn’t realise just how much easier until he came along, and I had a point of reference.

Look, this may all change. Perhaps check back in when both my children hit their teens and he becomes monosyllabic and she becomes a raging mess… nothing about any of that sounds ‘easy’.

This is an edited extract from Parenting in Progress by Mel Wilson, published by HarperCollins Australia. Available to purchasehereor from wherever you get your books.

Originally published as I thought a having a girl would be easier than parenting a boy