I may have adopted your son, but you have no say in what he does with his life

“I've been raising that kid for 11 years so it was triggering for you to give your two parenting cents.”

When George* was born, he was put up for adoption; it was one of the hardest decisions his biological mother, Bettina*, had to make, but she knew it was for the best.

She gave birth to her son when she was only a teenager, and with very few recourses at her disposal, she knew George deserved the best upbringing. 

The adoption process was open, meaning Bettina could keep in contact with him whenever she wanted. 

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Bettina gave her son up for adoption when he was a baby, but has recently come back into his life. Picture: iStock

“Girl, you are not his mum”

However, years passed before she ever got in touch with her son, who had been adopted by two dads who had three older sons of their own. 

“We always try to have him spend time with girls,” George’s adopted father, Harrison*, told Reddit. 

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It wasn’t until George was nine years old that Bettina came back into their lives; it had been nearly a decade, and she had really pulled her life together. 

She earned her degree from a prestigious American university, began taking her health seriously and settled down with a “hedge fund dude”. 

But Harrison doesn’t see this long list of accomplishments as something worth celebrating. “I think she spent the last nine years being an overachiever, so she'd feel worthy of having a relationship with [George],” he said.

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Harrison is incredibly proud of his son, who he called “incredibly self-aware and intellectual”.

“You cannot bulls**t him, so he and I enjoy a very open relationship,” he said. So when Bettina told Harrison she wanted to see her son, he approached the now 11-year-old boy to explain the situation. 

“I emphasised that she didn't forget him, but she had to go away to work on herself,” Harrison told his son. 

“I asked how'd he feel about talking with her, and he said he was open to it.”

Bettina and her biological son’s connection has since blossomed into a beautiful relationship, with the 11yo spending time at her home and meeting Bettina’s new husband.

“It's been a good thing to know his bio family,” Harrison said of his son. 

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It’s been a big few years for the 11yo, who is starting grade 6 at school this year. As part of his education, George has to select the elective classes he wishes to participate in, and he’s having a bit of trouble deciding what class to pick. 

The discussion quickly devolved into a shouting match at home, with George and Harrison bickering about the right class to choose. Then George opened up to Bettina about it, asking for advice about the class he should choose. 

See, George wants to study “yearbook”, but his father thinks that’s a ridiculous idea. Bettina, on the other hand, thinks it’s a great elective to choose. “She said, ‘What's the big deal about doing yearbook?’” Harrison recalled. “He should do what he wants to do. It's his class.”

But Harrison sees things differently, arguing getting Bettina involved in her son’s election selection was “f**ked up.”

So that’s what he told her. 

“I was like, ‘You got me f**ked up,’” he told her. “Girl, you are not his mum. You're more like a sibling, and siblings don't get a say in parenting decisions”

He wasn’t done yet. “You take a backseat,’ he told the woman. “You're a seat filler in the life of [George]. Just don't forget your place.”

“I've been raising that kid for 11 years, so it was triggering for you to give your two parenting cents,” he continued. “You need to understand that. He understands that, so you should, too.”

Bettina couldn’t say anything in response, just staring blankly at Harrison as he continued his tirade. 

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“You are the parent and not Bettina … so act like a parent!”

People were horrified at the thought of pushing away George’s biological mother, who had tried her best to piece her life back together. 

“Telling someone that they are a ‘seat filler’ in somebody's life and ‘just don't forget your place’ is f**king heinous, no matter who they are,” a person said. 

“You were the bigger person? By reaching out to double down on your assholery?” asked another. 

Others were put off by Harrison’s reaction to his son’s elective selection. 

“I mean, is she wrong?” someone asked. “Your son is in 6th grade; he's 11 years old; why can't he do yearbook if that's what he wants to do?”

“You’re right,” a comment read. “You are the parent and not [Bettina]. So act like a parent and give Ethan the tools and means to analyse and make his own decisions.

“Your son asked for her perspective and opinion, and she gave it,” they continued.

“Her view on things isn’t wrong. What is wrong, however, is trying to control your son’s life to the point he can never hear a perspective or opinion that isn’t your own.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as I may have adopted your son, but you have no say in what he does with his life