I dress my baby girl in blue to horrify my MIL

"NOOO, you have to dress her in girly clothes, or else she might end up as a homosexual or a trans person!"

A mum gets advice about what to do with her MIL who flips out when she sees her granddaughter wearing blue. Kidspot writer Jordana weighs in on the family drama. 

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Advice needed

"When my partner and I had our first baby, a girl, we bought mostly neutral clothes to make life easier and because we like it. We got some hand me down clothes in both blue and pink and lots of gifts, especially from my MIL.

"She only bought pink, glittery and typically girly clothes. We didn’t think of it, didn’t mind at all and we put her in the girly clothes as well.

"Until one day I dressed our girl in blue and my MIL lost her mind. She said "NOO, you have to dress her in girly clothes, or else she might end up as a homosexual or a trans person!" I got so angry. So every time since that I have dressed our girl in blue (only when we meet MIL) just to upset her.

"She’s so judgmental and homophobic and I’m OVER IT. My partner thinks I’m overreacting and that it’s unnecessary to do this every time we meet. He thinks I’m mean …Obviously I will stop doing this because our daughter will eventually decide what clothes to wear herself, but for the moment my day gets a little better knowing I’m p*ssing my MIL off a little bit.

"But do you think I'm being harsh and unfair as my husband says?"

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Jordana's Advice

Can I just say, your child, your rules and that includes their wardrobe! I had some push back when I had my first baby because I limited his wardrobe to monochrome with a hint of yellow. Most people who knew me were happy to play along, others not so much - thank goodness for gift receipts! 

Some might say that by having her wear blue when she sees her grandmother is petty or childish, but so is the woman's response! Her gender ideals are not very 2023, not to mention that they are completely unfounded.

Don't tell my husband (or MIL) but I am totally on board for this minor-trolling of your mother-in-law. Her response to you putting your daughter in pink is a little outrageous.

Image: iStock

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On Wednesdays, wear blue! 

You can keep this up for a little longer if it's not hurting your partner's relationship with his mother. You might even want to wear some blue yourself - but at some point you will have to stop.

At the moment, how you dress your daughter, and what colours she wears are totally your call. And you are right, there will come a time, in the not-too-distant future, when she will tell you what she wants to wear. Within reason, she will get her way. So enjoy having the control over her wardrobe while you can. 

But on a serious note, without upsetting your partner and adding strain to their relationship, I believe the best way forward, is to have a conversation with your MIL. You have to convey to her that her openly homophobic rhetoric isn't acceptable and as your daughter gets older, you don't want her around that.

You might not change who she is, if she is homophobic and transphobic - but she doesn't have to speak her mind around you and your family. It's important to set boundaries as a family, especially if you don't agree with her ideals and opinions. 

Set boundaries and hold firm

This is probably not the first run in with your MIL; I can't imagine that a grandchild has unlocked her opinions on the world.

But if you haven't said anything before or let it slide, perhaps now is the time before your child can comprehend what grandma is saying. From what you've said, it's unlikely you want her repeating certain things that your MIL says. When you decide to have a talk with her, either leave your daughter at home or don't dress her in blue - just to ensure she isn't defensive when you walk in and then you won't be either.

This convo will likely get heated, so best to start off from a calm place! 

Your partner will appreciate you for being civil. Hopefully your MIL will keep her opinions on lock down to ensure that she can continue to foster a relationship with you. If not, who knows what will happen down the road, maybe she won't keep a lid on herself and your daughter will come to the realisation herself that grandma is inappropriate. 

Hold firm on your boundaries, and keep on dressing her how you want, blue, pink or neutrals - the choice is yours mama. 

Originally published as I dress my baby girl in blue to horrify my MIL