7 things you can do to get over a crush

Moving on

Getting over a crush can sometimes feel impossible, but clinical psychologist Dr Alissa Knight says there is hope for moving on.

Crushes can feel all-consuming, especially when you know nothing can ever come from them. 

It can be annoying when it feels like your brain is dedicated exclusively to thinking about your crush,and your fantasy life together. 

Thankfully, clinical psychologist Dr Alissa Knight gave Body+Soul her expert tips for moving on from unrequited love and rebuilding your self-confidence. 

Tips to move on from a crush

Knight’s top tips for getting over a crush come in two stages; initial coping and moving forward. 

Initial coping:

#1. Humanise your feelings

Knight says taking your crush off a pedestal and humanising them can help you to get over them.

“Acknowledge that we cannot help who we develop feelings for, nor can we control the strength of those feelings. How we feel is simply how we feel, and the heart wants what the heart wants. It is all part of being spectacularly human, and at times it makes total sense, and other times no sense at all.”

#2. Avoid blaming yourself

It’s common to grow critical of yourself after rejection, but the psychologist says you should try to view things not working out as simply “nothing to do with yourself or what you do not have, but simply the two of you may not have been an ideal match, or the timing was not right, and this often means that there is someone much better suited or aligned waiting around the corner.”

It’s common to grow critical of yourself after rejection, but the psychologist says you should try to view things not working out as simply “nothing to do with yourself or what you do not have". Image: Getty

#3. Validate your feelings

“The land of ‘what ifs’ truly [is] one of the most crippling silent assassins for anxiety and depression. It can lead you down a rabbit hole of insecurity," Knight says. “Try your best to avoid your mind going to all the possible ways you could have done something different or better to change the outcome… and know that it is okay to have felt so deeply, even if he/she wasn’t even aware, it was real to you.”

#4. Talk it out with a friend

She suggests recruiting your friends for comfort.

“Let your friend be the first to validate how normal it is to feel that way about someone, perhaps share their crushes with you, and help you normalise what you are going through. Hearing their comforting words, soothing validation, and hopefully a spark for some great distracting social events you can both join in on, will be exactly what your heart needs to start putting the shattered pieces back together again.”

“Let your friend be the first to validate how normal it is to feel that way about someone, perhaps share their crushes with you, and help you normalise what you are going through." Image: Getty

Moving forward:

#4. Try get your feelings out on paper

Writing is a proven technique to help deal with grief, anxiety and stress. Knight recommends jotting down all of your thoughts, and reading them back to yourself. 

“Sometimes just seeing the level of negativity you were holding in your mind on paper word for word gives you clarity into how toxic, unusual or unhealthy it is, and more reason why you should not be holding onto it.”

If you want to go a step further, the psychologist says telling yourself out loud “I am done with this, moving on and freeing myself of this”, before destroying and throwing out the page can help symbolise to yourself that you’re choosing to move on. 

Writing is a proven technique to help deal with grief, anxiety and stress. Knight recommends jotting down all of your thoughts, and reading them back to yourself.  Image: Pexels.

#5. Don’t torment your mind by stalking their socials (unfollow, unfollow, unfollow!)

Though you may not feel ready to let go of your crush, and feel connected to them through regularly refreshing their profile online, Knight says this “is only going to  make it 100 times harder to get over, exacerbate the internal distress and queasy  stomach along with it each time you see them doing something fun without you, and prolong your chances of meeting someone else.”

She recommends deleting their number and unfollowing or blocking them, but if you’re not ready to cut them off yet, she suggests muting them can be a good way to “unfriend them without completely unfriending them.”

#6. Know your worth and open the door to a new chapter

Knight says it’s important to remember an unsuccessful crush isn’t a rejection of you, it just wasn’t meant to be. And pushing for something more can sometimes result in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. 

She insists after trying steps one to six, it's time to start planning “the next chapter of you”.

“Start filling in a diary with social outings, maybe take up a new hobby, try a new restaurant, or sport”, she says. “There is no pressure of course to start dating…however, just putting yourself out there in the community and being open to new possibilities can truly do wonders for healing your heart.”

She insists after trying steps one to six, its time to start planning “the next chapter of you”. Image: iStock

When you may need some extra help

Dr Kinght says if it has been a while, you’ve tried all of her tips and you’re still struggling with some pretty heavy feelings, you may want to consider speaking to a professional.

“When someone is suffering tremendously from situations like this, it is not so much to do with the actual recent crush/person. There are often much deeper underlying reasons, such as trauma, childhood adversity, abuse, issues with abandonment, rejection, [negative] deep core beliefs internalised”, she says.

“For people who suffered with any of this, simply overcoming a crush becomes something much more profound, and is not as simple to move on as it should be.”

#7. Seek professional help

Knight suggests seeing a psychologist or social worker if your negative feelings feel paralysing and you’re struggling to remain hopeful about moving on.

“Often, you will find it can be really relieving to know that there is a deeper reason why you think, feel and behave the way you do”.

In an emergency please call 000

If you or someone you know needs help, phone Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the 24-hour Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467.

Mental health professionals are available 24/7 at the beyondblue Support Service – 1300 22 46 36 or via beyondblue.org.au/get-support for online chat (3pm-12am AEST) or email response.

Originally published as 7 things you can do to get over a crush