Couples feel the pressure to have the perfect ‘online’ wedding day
In the age of social media, celebrity brides — and even everyday Aussies — are pulling out all stops to have the “Insta perfect” wedding, even if it comes at the cost of some diva behaviour.
Lifestyle
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Many little girls dream of one day having the perfect wedding but — at a time when social media likes are the ruling currency — industry experts say weddings have become extravagant, theatrical productions with brides at the helm.
Take the nuptials of pop star Nick Jonas and his actor bride Priyanka Chopra, for example. The stars were wed at a historical Indian palace in two ceremonies.
One was a Christian wedding featuring a 20m-long veil and custom Ralph Lauren gown that took 1826 hours to create.
The other was a Hindu wedding in Umaid Bhawan Palace, one of the premium wedding locations in India.
There was the traditional henna ceremony, pre-wedding cricket, and a song and dance party where celebrities including Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas performed on a stage and competed for a trophy.
That’s not to mention the other, multiple, wedding receptions in India and America. After each event, the couple shared co-ordinated photos on Instagram.
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But it’s not just the celebrities. Many everyday Aussie brides are now determined to make their big day the biggest, even if it comes at the cost of some diva behaviour.
Wedding photographer Karthik Sharma of KS Creative Photography says weddings have been hijacked by the Pinterest and Instagram effect.
“These days, what really counts is if the people online like the wedding and not the people actually present at the wedding,” he tells BW Magazine.
Sharma says while he’s happy to oblige most photograph requests, he can’t help but laugh at some ridiculous demands.
“The most outrageous request was when, at the end of the wedding and reception, instead of heading to the wedding night, the bride asked if I could go to separate location and take a shot specifically for social media so she could post it right away,” he recalls with a laugh.
“Another bride wanted me to Photoshop the dress because it hadn’t turned out the way she wanted exactly.”
Elise James of online wedding directory Easy Weddings says brides are working overtime to get the wow factor for their big day.
“They will look at Instagrammable entertainment, so things like aerialists pouring champaign for instance,” she says.
“There are some couples who feel the pressure to have the perfect day — online.”
And James says while some brides may throw hidden tantrums, they are also conscience of maintaining an image of quite the opposite: The Bride-Chilla.
“They want
the perfect Instagrammable wedding (but) they also want to veer away from the Bridezilla label,” she says.
“There’s a lot of effort but they try to make it look like its casual and smooth and laid back. But there’s so much that goes into these so-called casual events.”
Etiquette expert Anna Musson says despite their best efforts, the impact of the expense and responsibility of putting on the perfect show can land brides in Bridezilla territory.
“Weddings were never supposed to be about money,” she says.
“It’s gone from the wedding being a blessing to the guest and somewhere along the way we flipped it and made the wedding about the couple and about me.
“We see the rise of a ‘My day my way’ attitude (among brides).
“It should be a day for your parents and your community.”
But is the big fat wedding celebration possible without being a bridezilla? Bride-to-be Jashan Brar certainly thinks so.
The 24-year-old is having an astonishing 10 wedding events — but started planning two years ago to ensure things went smoothly.
“I told my bridesmaids the dates two years in advance (and) I’m not going to get my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses,” she says.
“We are going to Vegas for my hens, and I made sure that we had a proper discussion and I didn’t impose it on them. I’m also doing a local hens also to make sure no one misses out.”
Brar says by allocating about a month to make each major decision, she gets her dream wedding without any fights.
“I’m working towards a soft target that six months out I have everything ready to go, so if something goes wrong I have six months to fix it instead of (taking it out on others),” she says.
“My fiance told me I’m allowed to stress up to one month before the wedding and after that if something doesn’t go as I imagined I just have to let it be.”
AN INSTAGRAM WORTHY DAY
Sydney PR account manager Emilija Landi, 23, married husband Patrick, 24, last year and says she worked meticulously for her Pinterest-perfect day.
“We got married on the 18th of March. He’s Italian and I’m Macedonian so it was quite a big affair, we had 220 people,” she says.
“We had a white and gold theme and we had these beautiful cherry blossom trees as centre pieces.”
Landi turned to social media when she started planning the big day.
“I definitely did the whole ‘save every single Instagram wedding photo’ and I followed 100 different people for inspiration,” she says.
“There are many beautiful weddings on social media, it’s hard not to look at them and want to recreate them.”
And in the bid to get the perfect day, Landi says — with a laugh — she didn’t care if she was chastised for any bridezilla-style demands.
“I had no fears of being a bridezilla,” she says.
“It’s the one day you can make your wildest dreams come true. It’s the one day when you’re allowed to do whatever you want — even if anyone is bothered.
“But it did really help (manage expectations) that even prior to getting engaged I was very clear with my bridal party and our families on what I wanted.”
Landi said that she made sure to balance things out by offering her bridal party flexibility.
“The most outrageous thing I requested was the bridesmaids and I get up at 3am to get our hair and make-up done,” she says.
“But we all discussed it ahead of time … what I did was a schedule because I had only one hairdresser and make-up artist and so I asked who wanted to come first and those who wanted to sleep in so they could come a little later.
“The idea we had in mind was how do we make it into a really big party, so it removed
the pressure.”
She says the day all turned out well with no fights or arguments.
PUTTING ON A SHOW
Easy Weddings’ Australian Wedding Industry Report 2019 shows Aussie brides are putting on a bigger celebration than ever — but etiquette expert Anna Musson says the added pressure is no excuse for tantrums.
Budget: Aussie weddings cost $32,333 on average. But Musson says no matter the budget, couples cannot expect guests to buy gifts that match the per-head cost or to contribute to the honeymoon. “It’s gauche and tacky,” she says.
Bridesmaid dresses: On average, $814 is spent on each bridesmaid dress. Musson says the cost should be discussed with the bridesmaids: “You have to be upfront about the cost of involvement.”
Picture perfect: Apart from spending on average $2702 on photography and videography on the wedding day, 33 per cent of couples said they are also shelling out big bucks on engagement photo shoots, while another 14 per cent were considering that added expense.
Originally published as Couples feel the pressure to have the perfect ‘online’ wedding day
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