Aussie singles saying no to swipe dating apps in a bid to find love
More Aussie singles are now saying no to swipe apps, ditching the serial dating trend in search of more meaningful connections. Love Island stars Josh Moss and Amelia Marni may have met in an unconventional way, but their courtship is very traditional.
Relationships
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Romantic hopefuls have ditched the serial dating trend in search of steadier and more meaningful connections.
While Tinder and Bumble offer up millions of potential mates, experts claim exhausted daters realise this approach of quantity over quality doesn’t work.
Eharmony relationship expert Sharon Draper says stars such as singer Ariana Grande, whose self-love anthem thank u, next reflected positively on past relationships, have inspired regular Aussies to avoid superficial swiping and serial dating.
“A lot of female role models like Ariana Grande are standing up and saying dating should be more than having someone in your life to call your partner; they’re demanding more thoughtful relationships,” Draper tells BW Magazine.
“It’s inevitable that more and more everyday women are going to think about the same in their own lives.”
Draper says this slower and more thoughtful approach to romance is a welcome change in this age of easy access.
“Dating at your fingertips is a fantastic innovation but it’s also led to young daters moving from relationship to relationship,” she says.
“If people are serious about finding love they need to slow down and give some thought to why your ex is your ex.
“Daters need to really think about why they’re moving on: for love or for a change? Love has been put on the backburner in favour of 21st century expectations of always having a date.”
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Draper finds many daters today swipe out of a habit and not for a goal.
“(There is) a tendency for these superficial swipe apps to allow users to fall into a routine of mindless dating. Many people see dating as just a normal part of their everyday life, they’re forgetting the actual goal is finding a loving and stable relationship,” she says.
“People need to remind themselves of why they’re dating; thinking about what you actually want right now out of love helps clarify your feelings and reminds you if you’re ready to commit.”
Draper adds that always keeping your options open can do more harm than good.
“What we’re seeing is the superficial swipe apps have led to this routine dating that prioritises quantity over quality,” she says.
“This cycle has gone on for so long, people are now sitting up and realising they may be part of the problem.”
Sex and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein agrees. She says in 2019 the novelty of dating apps has worn off.
“I think a lot of people have now had experience with this fast-paced dating world and they haven’t had many results,” she says.
“We’ve now had the time to digest the rise of dating apps and people are now asking, ‘Did I judge this person too quickly based on their looks?’.”
Goldstein says a growing number of singles are suffering from dating fatigue.
“When you’re jumping from relationship to relationship you start relying on serial dating as a form of therapy,” she says.
“(Singles) are all a bit over it … when relationships get tough people automatically start to think ‘Maybe I could find someone better if I jump online’.”
Sydneysider and former Love Island contestant Josh Moss says he was familiar with this feeling of discontentment when he used dating apps before going on the reality TV show and meeting now-girlfriend Amelia Marni.
“I had Bumble and Tinder and I found it a pretty toxic form of dating to reject someone based on a photo,” Moss says.
“It leaves you with a feeling of never being satisfied because internally you’re always thinking you could always find someone better. You’re almost looking for reasons to reject them.”
And Moss says that, though he and Marni met unconventionally on the reality TV show, their courtship has been very traditional.
“Love Island was actually quite stripped back because we had no Instagram, no social media,” he says.
“We got to know each other on face value.”
YouTube star Marni never tried dating apps and agrees with her beau that the old-fashioned approach to romance sometimes works best.
“I never met anyone on Tinder because I was too scared,” she says.
“(Josh and I) make sure we have time when we are not on our phones and when we’re overseas together we spend 24/7 with each other without distractions.”
And it’s clearly worked. The couple have been together for seven months — only officially becoming an item after getting to know each other in the weeks after filming — while several other couplings from the show have parted ways.
“I wanted to see what it’s like in the actual world,” Marni says.
“It was the point of difference for us, we didn’t want to rush it and it’s worked out. It’s more genuine.”
Relationships Australia counsellor and executive director Kylie Dunjey advocates for this slower approach and finds that dating more than one person at a time can rob singles of a real chance at love.
“I think we can all benefit from becoming observers of ourselves,” she says.
“When a relationship ends it’s the most natural thing to want to blame but if we can stop and reflect and ask ‘What did I contribute to that not working?’.
“It’s all too easy to get caught up in the next, next, next but more than ever we need to reflect so we don’t keep making the same mistakes.”
Dunjey says relationship hopping can be a vicious cycle that is difficult to break out of.
“If we don’t pause, why would we do something different the next time around?” she asks.
“We can’t underestimate the importance of reflection. People need to learn from their experience. It’s critical.
“Some of us can do it on our own … and some of us really struggle. A good friend might be able to help but it requires such a level of honestly that friends sometimes just want to tell you the nice things.”
Dunjey says singles have to accept that, at some stage, they will have to put all their eggs in one basket.
“I understand why people might want to have more options … but I think you have to get serious with yourself,” she says.
HOW TO STOP SERIAL DATING
1. Re-evaluate why you’re swiping: People get stuck in the routine of swiping. Often, they’re just swiping for the sake of it.
2. Rethink your “type”: Singles should realise what they truly want and need from a romance rather than what they have wanted or needed in the past.
3. Take away the judgment: This can be really hard but opens your mind to trying new things and can also help some people redefine their “type” and step outside their comfort zone.
4. Be present: Instead of just going through a set of motions you’re used to, be present when you are starting a new romance and really get to know and understand who you are dating.
5. Assess the platform: Look for an app or platform that is focused on core compatibility and matching you on more than just a mindless flick of the finger.
Originally published as Aussie singles saying no to swipe dating apps in a bid to find love
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