Belial B’Zarr: inside the heart and mind of one of Melbourne’s most controversial drag performers
A Melbourne drag artist speaks out after various council and community workshops received backlash from hate groups over staging trans-related events.
South East
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A drag king from Melbourne has opened up about the risks and rewards of living as an openly queer performer, in the wake of violent threats from far-right groups.
Belial B’Zarr said they don’t remember a time when they weren’t experiencing some kind of harassment or abuse, but as time has gone on, the environment has shifted.
“It’s gone from a private setting to a public setting,” they said.
“That’s been a significant change. The first time I was out in drag, I experienced a hate crime. That just really sets the tone.”
In a spate of continued abuse experienced by the LGBTQIA+ community, councils around Melbourne have been at the centre of alt-right activism.
A recent Monash Council meeting was disrupted in late April by anti-queer protesters over a proposed drag story time event, where drag performers would read story books to children in their drag outfits.
The reading, set to go ahead in Oakleigh, has since been cancelled.
Casey Council cancelled a month-long drag workshop series following “vile threats” from alt-right self-proclaimed Christian groups.
B’Zarr was part of the roster of drag performers set to appear at the workshops.
Further, in October last year, the Herald Sun reported that a family friendly youth festival in Moonee Ponds was hijacked by a dozen neo-Nazis, who protested during a drag performance at Queen’s Park.
B’Zarr was one of the drag performers expected to perform at the event before the protest, believed to be from the National Socialist Network, founded by neo-Nazi Thomas Sewell.
In the face of great personal risk where most people would turn inward, B’Zarr persevered.
Coming up to their fifth drag birthday, B’Zarr reminisced on the first time they went out in drag.
“My drag birthday is May 4, Star Wars Day,” they said.
“It wasn’t planned but it is appropriate. That was the first time I really existed out of my bedroom in drag. It was the first time I really put myself out there.”
B’Zarr has experienced multitudes of harassment, often in the form of mistranslation of their name.
The name Belial carries a long and complex history, with roots in both Christianity and Demonology.
The direct Hebrew translation is “without above”, and holds a strong meaning for B’Zarr.
“For me, the name Belial is an allegory for queerness,” they said.
“The way he is viewed is fascinating — in Christianity, Belial is seen as selfish, evil and worthless. In Demonology texts he is celebrated as someone who has forged his own path, but who required a lot of sacrifice to do so.”
Sacrifice is at the centre of the choice in name for B’Zarr.
“When you forge your own path as a queer person, you sacrifice relationships, friendships, family and jobs, sometimes your living situation and your own safety,” they said.
“But to me it was worth it, to live and not be ruled by others. Even if the initial plunge can be absolutely irreversible, once you find out what it’s like to live freely, you can’t cage yourself again.”
“You can’t go back.”
The first time B’Zarr explored letting go of the “uniform of femininity”, their parents were out of the house.
“I fetched bandages and bound my chest for the first time and shoved my long hair under a beanie,” they said.
“I don’t know what prompted me to do this, I just knew I needed to see what I looked like. It’s like the layers were stripped back and I looked normal to myself.”
While B’Zarr does not recommend bandaging, saying it’s “a terrible idea, and unsafe”, it was the first time they felt like their true self, despite being “totally in the closet”.
B’Zarr said this experience as a teenager has made engaging with Queer Youth an all the more wonderful experience.
“Growing up I didn’t know the words that describe who I am today,” they said.
“I didn’t know it was possible to exist as a queer and trans adult who had friends, a family, a career, housing and stability.”
“It’s wonderful watching kids come out of their shells, chat about their art, what they love, their friends, where they want to be as an adult. For many of us, being queer/trans and being an adult were not things we could say in the same sentence.”
For this reason, Belial continues their work, to be visible in wider society.
“I spent a lot of time being told who I was, and I was forced to confront a lot of things that people might not start looking at until they have a midlife crisis,” they said.
“While it wasn’t easy to do those things and there was a lot of sacrifice involved, I would do it 100 times over to be where I am.
“That is my hope in being visible, especially in front of young people, so hopefully they don’t have to grow up in the same way I did. Maybe they can possibly skip through some hurdles that I had to plough through myself with no help.”
As a trans and autistic person, being authentically themself is a powerful act for B’Zarr, demonstrating that there is more joy than sorrow in doing so.
“It’s taken me many years to understand myself. Neuro-divergence is horrifically misunderstood which is why I wasn’t diagnosed as a child despite showing all the signs,” they said.
B’Zarr described the best parts of who they are as being a sense of joy and curiosity.
“Being me is having the ability to love things so dearly that they’re an inextricable part of who I am,” they said.
“The ‘what if’ drive is absolutely insatiable. I’m always moving through the world with my eyes open and thinking of the possibilities.”
B’Zarr encouraged people outside the queer community to communicate with their loved ones rather than making uninformed judgments.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have parents to speak to anymore, I can’t rely on them because they gave into conspiracies and hatred.”
B’Zarr said they believe “it’s a disservice to ourselves and wider society to not embrace who we are”, and having a supportive network is integral to that.
“Don’t be your child’s first bully, don’t cause them pain or force them to do what I had to. Be there for them.”
B’Zarr said people should be careful not to get caught up in moral panic and look at the bigger picture.
“You don’t have like me, but I wish more of us could agree to work together despite our differences,” they said.
“There is a place for all of us, and what an interesting world it would be if we were all encouraged to thrive, do what we do best and do it well.”
gemma.scerri@news.com.au
