Family violence: Diamond Valley woman shares her harrowing story

DIAMOND Valley woman Skye* says her partner destroyed her ability to feel safe. But she is vowing to turn her back on fear and show her children how amazing life can be. This is her story.

A woman has shared her experience with domestic violence.

LOOKING back, it’s hard to decide if I would have followed the same path, had I known what I do now. It’s been six years, six long years since you destroyed my ability of feeling safe.

You made it near impossible for me to ever feel “normal”, for me to believe that there is good in the world, for me to love and feel like I deserve to be loved in return.

I used to write about happiness, travel, love and life. But now I’m stuck.

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I want to write about what I know, I want to write about life but I have no life; so I don’t write. There is only loss, sorrow and fear. I don’t know how to get the happiness back. I don’t know how to get me back.

You’ve made me realise that in today’s society you can go on living like a “top bloke”. But I’m stuck where you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

I’ve been slut shamed for being a single mother with two children, but criticised for not leaving sooner. I’ve been told that the best thing I could have done is leave, but all children need a father.

Skye says she doesn’t know how to get happiness back after experiencing domestic violence. Generic image.

I’ve been told I “need to get out there more” but then again, told I go out too much. What judgment have you experienced? People don’t even know what you’re capable of.

Society tells me I am only valued if I have a man in my life. I’ve been told to “move on, find a nice guy, and have a baby”. All my sins will be forgiven. How can I?

How can I open my life to someone, and not tell them everything from my past. They’ll find a small scab of my past and pick, pick, pick until it comes off. The flood gates will open and I’m left alone, bleeding and sore; wondering why I ever decided to trust someone again.

Today, we see the #metoo movement, there seems to be a lot of community support for those in DV relationships and those who have experienced abuse. Yet we’re still seeing women attacked on their way home, sexually harassed in bars and at work, and had our opinions stepped on and overlooked.

As women we are taught that it is our fault if we are abused, our skirt was too short, our lipstick too red, “why was she out after dark?”

Yes #notallmen are like you, but all men have a responsibility to ensure that this stops.

All men need to help move forward for equality.

All men need to stand their ground against a bully. All men.

If all men worked together taking on a bully rather than protect the “bro code”, imagine how wonderful the world we live in would be.

I’m still scared sometimes. I still look over my shoulder. I feel like you’re still watching me, judging my every move. Waiting for the perfect time to reappear and finish what you started. Is it just me you hate, or all women?

I was told recently that I was so shut off from living my life that it was just passing me by. Maybe that’s true. Maybe my best years have already been, and I should cherish what I used to have. But maybe my best years are still to come.

I know one thing, you’re not going to stop me from living any more. I refuse to be scared of you. You cannot control my life any more. I will not stay silent.

Today is the day I say goodbye. Goodbye to your control, goodbye to the cage I’ve been kept in for all these years.

Today I choose life. I choose to start really living. I choose to show my children how amazing this life is. I choose to turn my back on fear. I choose to turn my back on you.

*Skye is not the writer’s real name.

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