Melbourne’s best public toilets: Tradies rank their top 10 best dunnies

Our tradie experts channelled their inner George Costanza to reveal Melbourne’s best public dunnies — but have they missed any hidden ‘treasures’?

Paul Shapiro

2 min read

July 16, 2021 - 12:00PM

Moreland Leader

Melbourne tradies have channelled George Costanza’s instinct for good public toilets and named Melbourne’s best dunnies.

North West

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Everyone has to use a public toilet sooner or later — there simply isn’t any way around it — because let’s face it, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Luckily our tradie experts Hugh and Bryan have you covered because if anyone knows where to find a good public toilet it’s the hapless tradesman who spends most of their day working outside or on the road.

These veteran landscapers — who work on opposite sides of the town and do not know each other — are rarely lucky enough to have a site dunny but both prefer to do their business elsewhere.

Bryan said Friday has become a “key” day when making sure a decent public toilet is firmly on the radar due to the frequency of Thursday night footy where a “few beers and a pizza” is odds-on to be consumed.

Hugh fancies himself as a bit of a connoisseur who doesn't mind the exotic curry for dinner which, as we all know, can cause issues the next day.

10. MACCA’S AND OTHER FAST FOOD JOINTS (VARIOUS LOCATIONS)

Bryan says: “Only use in emergencies … Macca’s you just know they’ll have a toilet and it’s easy to access (parking etc) … Servos are harder to rely on these days, some don’t have toilets or their locked so if it’s a real emergency just go to Macca’s”.

Highly lauded Highett St Richmond public toilet.

9. HIGHETT ST (near GLEADELL ST) RICHMOND

Bryan says: “It’s out front of Richmond Football Park (Citizen’s Park) and backs onto Church St McDonald’s. Has multiple toilets, well looked after with wash sinks outside. Always clean, well lit and maintained”.

8. BP FAIRFIELD

Bryan says: “Good toilets, clean, open and easily accessible, easily the best servo toilets I’ve used”.

7. LYGON ST & ARGYLE NORTH LANE, CARLTON

Hugh says: “Clean and maintained. Its convenient because in a very busy area and street and good to use … always busy. Only neg, there’s only one, so usually have to wait.”.

Public toilets at Lygon St and Argyle Place North in Carlton.

6. SHOPPING CENTRES

(DEPARTMENT STORE SPECIAL MENTION: MYER BOURKE ST MALL)

Bryan says: “Shopping centres would rate higher but it can be time consuming so save these for trips special occasions”.

Bryan’s bonus tip: “Department stores inside the shopping centres are a step above due to the extra effort it takes to get to them but it’s worth it if you have the time”.

One of Melbourne's most beautiful dunny blocks located at Darling Gardens Clifton Hill.

5. DARLING GARDENS, CLIFTON HILL

Hugh says: “For a park toilet these are as good as it gets, credit where credit due, the council keep these toilets immaculate”.

4. QUEENS PARK, MOONEE PONDS

Hugh says: “Again, for park toilets these are pretty good, always well stocked, I get excited when I work in the area”.

Queens Park Moonee Ponds toilets.

3. GLENBROOK AVE, MALVERN EAST (near CENTRAL PARK)

Hugh says: “I know where all the best park toilets are because they are easier to use if you’re pretty dirty from working outside”.

2. MC SQUARE (DONCASTER LIBRARY)

Bryan says: “This is as good a public toilet you are going to get, clean, well-stocked, feels like you’re in an office and it’s easy to get to without those prying, judgmental eyes … I always make sure I have my Herald Sun for these toilets”.