Page 13: An open apology to pale, stale males

It has been truly eye opening to discover what a put-upon minority the relevance-deprived, crusty blokes consider themselves.

An open apology is in order for our pale, stale, males. Sorry, Page 13 plain forgot just how touchy you lot are.

We haven’t seen such sooking since James Brayshaw threw his toys out of the cot after we repeated some of his blokey haw-hawing about his mate Garry Lyon’s relationship at a Triple M media function.

No fair, Brayshaw tantied, while spewing some nasty personal barbs our way for good measure on the airwaves.

Boohoo Brayshaw is known as the best in the biz at holding on tight to his sour little grapes. But we digress.

This week the pale, stale, males were imploding about, yup you guessed it, Page 13 reporting on their public comments.

Dermott Brereton felt the need to back in “the legendary” Rex Hunt, who was under the impression the world needed to know his views on why he thought Wayne Carey was a better commentator than Daisy Pearce.

Rex Hunt. Picture: Michelle Winters

Dermott Brereton. Picture: Alex Coppel.

Hunt went on to say he was allowed to have a whinge because he was a big supporter of the sheilas. C’mon, he hired Kelli Underwood back in the day so he must be, right? Dermie agreed with Hunt, later taking offence at the headline that accompanied our story.

Derm was frothing. He called out Page 13 on social media, posting a private text message where we copped on the chin that the headline had missed the mark.

Then came the attack of the angry, pale, stale, males!

Sexist, ageist, racist they cried, raising high their pitchforks. Shame, they ranted demanding a Cersei Lannister Game of Thrones like walk-of-shame from Page 13.

“I’ve had no say at all being born a white male, Alice. There’s no respect anymore,” Jack cried.

“Stuck-up, pale, malnourished, woke, white stereotypical journalists,” said Shellman. Mmmm, malnourished is a first.

“Precious cow” and “arrogant little arse” were almost turn-ons.

“I can’t help that I was born this way,” screeched Brian, who we are pretty damn sure hadn’t the foggiest that he was echoing Lady Gaga’s banger of a gay anthem.

“I am a white, middle-aged, Anglo-Saxon, male and bloody proud of it,” said Neil.

“You, Alice, are not fit to tie the man’s shoelaces,” spewed Luke.

And this was the fan mail!

While we are more than aware that dishing out some home truths may come back in some schoolyard name calling, it goes with the territory.

But it has been truly eye opening to discover what a put-upon minority the relevance-deprived, grog-blossomed, crusty blokes consider themselves.

Let’s see what they come up with next week!

XOXO