‘I was not a good partner in terms of being unfaithful’: Wayne Carey opens up

North Melbourne great Wayne Carey has admitted being faithful to partners has not been his strength, and says his fling with team mate Anthony Stevens wife, Kelli, led to lasting “toxic shame”.

Former North Melbourne great Wayne Carey has opened up about his life admitting being faithful to his partners has not been one of his strengths, saying the Kelli Stevens affair was his “single biggest mistake”.

He described himself as “delusional” when he left the professional footy bubble, and has revealed how a life coach helped him forgive himself for his past errors.

Carey, 54, also spoke about his drive to be a good father and how he showers his four children with love after having had a limited and fear-driven relationship with his dad, Kevin.

Carey, in a candid chat with Trent Cotchin on the Shaped podcast, said working with a life coach over the past two years had helped him let go of the shame of past mistakes and be more authentically himself.

“I’m living more me now than I was, you know, five years ago, 10 years ago,” he told Cotchin.

Anthony Stevens with then wife Kelli and Wayne Carey.

Carey reflected with regret on his fling with his teammate Anthony Stevens’ then wife Kelli in 2002, and the shattering of his friendship with Stevens, as the “single biggest mistake I made in my football career.”

“The way I justified it was for a long time I’d had the opportunity to do, you know, the wrong thing many, many, many, many times, and that’s not sounding like a wanker or a dick, but I had the opportunity to do that exact thing many times and never did it,” Carey said.

“But you make the one mistake and I’ve lived with that.”

He said he had only recently been able to forgive himself for the decision that has haunted him for more than two decades.

“Obviously there was guilt, there was shame, there’s toxic shame and that lasted forever and a day,” he said.

“Then for a long period you think, ‘Ah move on,’ but you’re not really moving on, you’re giving off the persona and the perception to everyone else that you’ve moved on, but you haven’t really.

“It’s really only been the last few years that I’ve been able to truly forgive myself and move on - like since I’ve spoken to Tess (his life coach).

“That’s truly how long it’s taken me. That’s truly how long I’ve had my head in the sand about that.”

Carey and Anthony Stevens celebrate the 1996 premiership. Picture: AFL Photos/GSP.

The famous clash between Wayne Carey and Anthony Stevens during a football game.

Carey, who has four children from three different relationships, acknowledged that in his personal life “being faithful hasn’t been one of my great strengths.”

“I have great relationships with all of my mothers (of his children) …. Sally (his ex-wife) and I are good mates,” he said.

“She still helps me with accounting. We’ve got a 19-year-old daughter.

“Her other daughter is best friends with my 10-year-old daughter, so they’re great mates.

“So you know, it is an unusual Brady Bunch style, not quite the Brady Bunch, but it’s an unusual set of circumstances but we all get along.

“Obviously, I’m still with Jess (Paulke) and we’ve got two boys, Carter, 6, Cole is 10 weeks.”

He said he was trying to learn through life coaching what had made him seek company outside his past relationships.

“I was not a good partner in terms of being unfaithful,” he said.

“It’s the insecurity in yourself, it’s the shame, it’s wanting, needing someone else to make you feel good about yourself whether it be company, whether it be sex, whatever it may be.

“You are going out to do those things because of something inside of you that’s missing.

“You don’t feel good about yourself so you go and source it somewhere else to make you feel good.

“These are the things that you just wish you could have got to sooner rather than later.”

Carey with partner Jessica Paulke, with whom he shares two sons. Picture: Facebook

Having finished his TV and radio career in mid 2022, Carey said he had managed his transition out of the media far better than he had navigated his move into the real world after retiring as a footy player.

“I was delusional when I retired (from footy),” he said.

“I thought that I’d just seamlessly go into life after footy and you know the natural thing was to go into media. I had contracts already with Foxtel and I was still sponsored by Nike and so you had this income, you didn’t have to think, you got told where to be. It was very similar to being still a footballer.

“But I didn’t invariably handle it well.”

He said his drive now was to be a good father.

“I love being a dad and you know the majority of the blues and and those insecurities were before I had kids,” he said.

“I’m a better dad now than what I was two years ago and two years ago I was a better dad than what I was two years prior to that. ….. I shower them (his children) with love.”

He described his relationship with his father as being defined by fear.

“I don’t think my dad would have ever said ‘I love you,’ ever,” he said.

“I feared him, I didn’t really talk to him.

“You know, I played over 300 games all up. He watched me play in one game, so my relationship with him wasn’t really a relationship.”