Comedians reveal their favourite Melbourne spots for a pre-show bite or post-show drink

They’re the city haunts performers love. Here’s where you’ll find some of our favourite stars chowing down, or grabbing a pint, after their Melbourne gigs.

Ronny Chieng loves dining at Lucy Liu. Picture: Rebecca Michael

A comedian walked into a bar … what could possibly be the beginning of a (bad) joke, it’s instead what the hundreds of funny people in town for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival will be doing over the next month. Here, in their own words, some of our favourite comedians reveal where they love to eat and drink before or after a show.

MORE: FOOTY STARS ON THE FOOD SCENE

MELBOURNE STEAKHOUSE A ‘SOULLESS DINING EXPERIENCE’, REVIEW

Mini Ba'gets. Picture: Ba'get

FIN TAYLOR

There is a Chinese restaurant on Russell St that doesn’t seem to have an obvious name but has been variously known as ‘EJ Fine Foods’ and ‘Xi An Famous Foods’. They do hand-rolled noodles and soups and ungodly cuts of meat, each dish nothing less than a culinary triumph.

Like all the best Chinese restaurants, ordering a meal makes you feel like you’re involved in some sort of drug deal. The strip lighting is cold and clinical like a mortuary, the cutlery has been stolen from a toy shop, the seats are uncomfortable and there are maybe three bits of A4 clipart gaffa-taped to the wall as decor, but this just goes to prove how good the food is.

When the food eventually arrives you are so overjoyed that it is in fact a functioning restaurant and you’re not about to be kidnapped, the ‘cold glass spicy noodles with tripe’ sing in your mouth.

Xi An Famous Food, 260 Russel St, city

See Fin Taylor in When Harrasy Met Sally until April 21 at The Westin

BEV KILLICK

No MICF would be complete without at least one long supper with comedians, managers and producers. I often take out of towners to my favourite eatery — Shanghai Dumpling House. I take them not just for the food but for the service, or lack thereof. It’s so baaaaad it’s hilarious. Don’t even dare think about sitting in a booth table if there’s not four of you. You sit, menus are slapped down. You order (quickly or eyes roll) food comes, you eat, and then you’re pretty much hinted at to leave as soon as the last mouthful goes down. NO SPLIT BILLS — Don’t date ask. “Cheap and Cheerless” I call it. My local café, The St Kilda Dispensary, is perfect for the ‘day after the night before’ during MICF. My perfect cure all is a soy latte, brekky bun and dosage (loaded with Berocca). Whenever I have comedians stay I take them up there after a long week of performing.

Shanghai Dumpling House, 23 Tattersalls Ln, city

See Bev Killick in Crummy Mummy on April 1, 8 and 15 at Melbourne Town Hall

SIMON TAYLOR

After a good show, I think “I should go out for amazing food as a reward”. After a bad show, I tell myself “I should go out for amazing food to cheer myself up”. Either way I often end up at the Supper Club on Spring St. The golden brown polenta chips are a light-night comfort food, served with class. It’s easy to feel like a high roller as you’re dipping these fried fingers of goodness into a fresh verde sauce and looking out onto the glow of Parliament House. Open until 4am, it’s where I take people I want to impress … all right, I mainly go alone, but I impress myself.

Supper Club, 161 Spring St, city

See Simon Taylor in Right Now until April 21 at Trades Hall

RONNY CHIENG

Australians don’t know how good they have it with the Australian food, bar and cafe scene. In fact it’s getting so good that I’m happy to report that Australian food culture is starting to be exported in its entirety to my current home in New York City. In New York the best brunch places are openly Australian restaurants with smashed avocado on toast that would fit right in Brunswick or Fitzroy in Melbourne, which in turn would fit right in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I can also report that the Australian hipsters in Brooklyn LOVE being Australian hipsters in Brooklyn. May we all find as much happiness in our identities as they do. And for whatever reason Australia still does the best coffee and I believe is single-handedly responsible for raising the standard of coffee in New York, and therefore America, through sheer strength of quality. After all, once you’ve had an Australian coffee you can’t really go back to brown flavoured water.

Ronny Chieng at Lucy Liu. Picture: Rebecca Michael

Jinda Thai in Abbotsford is also a favourite.

It’s always a joy for me to come back to the cultural and food capital of Australia, Melbourne, a place I lived for ten years, and of which I spent five years in a concerted effort to explore and find every great rooftop bar, hidden speakeasy, late night Japanese Izakaya or Korean restaurant. Comedians need places to hang out and unwind after performing shows late into the night and my preference is somewhere quiet where you can have a conversation and have food and drink. Bar Americano hits the spot as a quiet speakeasy in a laneway, in laneway, that gives you street cred just for knowing where it is. Order the hand pressed orange juice there if you want to impress your companions with your off the menu knowledge and healthy lifestyle. Jinda Thai in Abbotsford has a great authentic taste and warm homemade vibes. And of course Lucy Liu, a typically great Melbourne restaurant but with atypically delicious Asian influenced eats in a trendy and comfortable setting. It has one of those menu’s where everything is good and you can’t make a wrong decision. But to be extra “right”, try the Soft Shelled Crab jianbing pancake roll.

Bar Americano, 20 Presgrave Plc, city

Jinda Thai, 1 Ferguson St, Abbotsford

Lucy Liu, 23 Oliver Lane, city

See Ronny Chieng in Tone Issues on July 6 at Hamer Hall, Arts Centre

EMMA HOLLAND

Since moving to Melbourne I’ve become a self-appointed gelato connoisseur. Spring St Grocer ranks a very solid number 1. The owner gets pretty experimental with flavours with things like sage and ricotta, so it makes you feel like an adult for enjoying it. Also they have an underground cheese cellar. I like anywhere that I can enjoy a refreshing gelato while also sharing an intimate space with a wheel of Grana Padano. In Fitzroy, Viet Rose serves potentially the best banh mi I’ve ever had, although every time I ask for no chilli, the staff collectively laugh at me. Yet, I keep going back. It keeps me humble.

Spring St Grocer, 157 Spring St, city

Viet Rose, 330 Brunswick St, Fitzroy

See Emma Holland in The Comedy Zone until April 21 at Trades Hall

DILRUK JAYASINHA

One of my absolute favourite breakfasts is the “Godmother” at Archie’s All Day. It’s a breakfast burger with the fluffiest of scrambled eggs and crisp bacon, carefully placed in between a perfectly toasted brioche bun. But what makes the Godmother reign supreme over other breakfast contenders is that it includes a serving of Chinese style chilli paste, which I personally appreciate so much. Growing up in Sri Lanka I loved spicy food so much I would’ve included chilli in my ice cream if mum didn’t think it was uncouth. I also love it because recently I’ve been avoiding carbs for 6 days of the week as part of my diet, and this is the perfect way for me to kick off my allocated cheat day. It works as a good warm-up as it’s very quickly followed by Archie’s fried chicken and waffles with chipotle butter and maple syrup. Seems excessive but it’s fine cause I have a beautiful 10 minute walk strolling through Carlton gardens to get back into the heart of the city, which sure, barely dents the calorie intake I’ve just had, but who cares when the park is so pretty and your belly is so happy

Archie’s All Day, 189 Gertrude St, Fitzroy

See Dilruk Jayasinha in Cheat Day until April 21 at The Victoria Hotel

FERN BRADY

Fellow comedians Fin Taylor and Ivo Graham took me to EJ Fine Foods after a visit to the set of Neighbours where I’m pretty sure we were moved away from the woman that plays Susan Kennedy as Ivo was too excited and kept whispering Neighbours statistics to us while they were trying to film a scene. The biang biang noodles are unreal and they do a thing called an egg burger that looks disgusting but is great.

I understand this is the norm in Melbourne but in the UK we don’t really have baristas who aren’t quietly furious all the time. Federal Coffee Palace has the magical combo of lovely staff and perfect coffee plus they do a brunch special that is about 7 types of breakfast at once. I’m also including the Tropicana Juice Food Bar mainly because as a Scot I’d never seen a queue in a juice bar before.

EJ Fine Foods, 17 Market St, Box Hill

Federal Coffee Palace, 350 Bourke St, city

Tropicana Juice Food Bar, 213 Elizabeth St, city

See Fern Brady in Power and Chaos until April 21 at ACMI

DOUGLAS LIM

I basically really like sandwiches and I really like crispy pork. Although Malaysia is a food haven, it’s not known for sandwiches and is religiously biased against pork. So when I was recommended Ba’get I just had to go. And I’m so glad I did. The crispy pork bahn mi was my deliciously perfect mobile lunch on rainy days, sunny days, windy days (usually the same day as it’s Melbourne).

My favourite dinner spot is 20 Pho 7. Australian beef is held in super high regard back in Malaysia so I try to eat as much of it when in Melbourne. This little shop is perfect because I can have their combination beef pho before my show, after my show, while waiting for a friend to finish his show... anytime.

But if we’re talking about actual hours spent at a place, nothing comes close to Marrakech bar. Here is where I chill after a good show. It is also where I stress after a bad one. Most of my prep work is done here. It has everything: beer, Wi-Fi, toilet, a power socket for my laptop and SHISHA. I spent so much time here, that one of the bar staff Brendan featured in one of my jokes!

Ba’Get, 132 Russell St, city

20 Pho 7, 138 Russell St, city

Marrakech, 25 Bank Pl, city

See Douglas Lim in This Is Awkward until April 7 at Chinese Museum

PHIL WANG

“Shandong Mamaaaaaa! OoooOOOOOooooooh” goes Queen’s legendary Rhapsody. And they’re not wrong! This humble little taste factory is nestled in Mid City Arcade, and frankly you’d have to be a little berk not to try it (do you have this word here? ‘Berk’?). Melbourne is probably my favourite city in the world for food AND trams. My petition for a “free-dumpling zone” in the CBD, however, has still yet to receive any official response. Regardless, those on offer at Shandong Mamaaaaaaa (RIP Freddie) are more than worth their humble price. What’s more, they only come in bulk! The smallest serving you can get is — I can’t quite remember — 300? Though unlike the eponymous condemned Spartans, at Shandong Mama, you can expect to dine... in heaven ;).

The large plates are an excellent excuse to invite fellow comedians (assuming you are a comedian) to join you at your table and while away the afternoon, chomping on pot-stickers and chugging tea, as you discuss the latest industry gossip. Like a Chinese Tony Soprano (assuming you are also Chinese). Follow me on Twitter (@PhilNWang) for my annual Asian food awards, The Slurpies. Last year, Shandong Mama won the elusive ‘Wang 5-Bowl’ perfect score. Shandong Mamaaaaaaaa!

Shandong Mama, Mid City Arcade, 200 Bourke St, city

See Phil Wang in Philly Philly Wang Wang until April 21 at The Victoria Hotel

MARK WATSON

I was ushered into the Gin Palace on one of my first nights in Melbourne, in 2006, and sometimes I feel like I never really came out again. In London, a place like this would be overrun with hipsters or hen parties, but it always seems restful when I visit, so I can only conclude that it’s my arrival emptying the place. They have about eight thousand types of gin and they also serve these chicken sandwiches that are the perfect 2am, lamenting-a-bad-gig food.

Gin Palace, 10 Russell Place, city

See Mark Watson in The Infinite Show until April 21 at Melbourne Town Hall