He begins talking to himself as others seated in the gallery watch on. The man flicks through the police allegations and mutters away.

The prosecutor asks him to keep it down or he will be removed from the courtroom.

Moments earlier the man looked in the direction of another gentleman sitting in the room and said “can I hold your hand, I feel very insecure”.

GOLD COAST’S MOST BIZARRE CIVIL CASES

This is just one of many quirks that shine through at the arrests court at Southport Court Complex, where the wheels of justice turn slowly but surely.

On any given day more than 100 first-time law-breakers, frequent flyers and hardened criminals can cram into the tired room, where many serious matters begin their court process, and the less severe, trivial, and downright bizarre crimes are finalised.

Each day starts with lawyers on the left, police on the right and defendants at the back.

A table filled with documents at times tower-high gives you an idea of the day ahead.

Unlike the rest of the court rooms in the complex, it appears order goes out the window. One man asks when his matter will be heard.

“If I had a dollar for every time someone asked that,” the prosecutor politely replies.

The seats are stained and the wooden divider separating the defendants from the bar table is covered in shoe marks and etchings.

It’s sometimes hard to follow proceedings as the details get lost in the chatter of lawyers and the whispering among defendants in the gallery.

At times proceedings can feel monotonous.

Drink driving. Drug possession. Drink driving again. Followed by a lawyer handing up a glowing reference and submitting the offences were out of character.

MOMENT 79-YEAR-OLD TACKLED ARMED ROBBER

In part one of our series on the inner workings at Southport Court, the Bulletin has been documenting the day-to-day workings to give readers a behind-the-scenes look at the turnstile nature of Southport arrests court.

One lawyer described the courtroom as a “do-nothing revolving door for the trivial nonsense”.

But there are also more serious matters too, such as domestic violence breaches, drink driving and drug matters.

On one day this month the court heard of how a nutritionist was found with cocaine after being caught in a lie, why a man’s sleeping problems prompted him to buy a dangerous drug off his mate, and why a woman who crashed her car, leaving her elderly mother in the passenger seat, walked off with a suit case and cask wine.

That woman, a pensioner and food stacker, pleaded guilty to high-range drink driving at Pacific Pines on March 26 after she crashed her car into the kerb and blew a tyre.

The court heard witnesses saw her stagger away from the vehicle taking a small suitcase and a cask of wine. She had left her elderly mother in the car.

Her excuse was that she had dogs in the car and she had to get a lead from her home just around the corner.

GARAGE GOES UP IN FLAMES AT GOLD COAST HOME

“I knew mum was fine,” she said. “I’m just an idiot. I just made a very poor judgment, a very poor judgment.”

Magistrate Kathleen Payne made the point that she could have killed her mother.

“I’m sure you’ve thought about this,” she said, sentencing her to a $1400 fine and a disqualified licence for 15 months.

One by one the defendants walk to the bar table, dressed to the nines in their best court attire, or, as one man did in his board shorts and thongs.

Another man, from New South Wales – here on the Gold Coast visiting the in-laws – was fined $500 after stealing a $5 Bluetooth speaker from Target at Coomera on July 5.

Bizarrely, a 20-year-old pleaded guilty to possessing a prescription drug, which his legal rep told the court his client purchased off a mate because he couldn’t sleep.

“Obviously it would have been more appropriate for him to attend a GP,” the solicitor said.

He was fined $300.

MAN ACCUSED OF DANGEROUS JOY-RIDE IN STOLEN CAR

While a dietitian was fined $500 and left court with a bruised ego after becoming victim to proactive patrols by police.

The man was found with cocaine after police saw two suspicious cars meeting in Carrara earlier this year.

When police asked what they were doing the drivers said they were exchanging money but both had a different reason why.

The court heard one said it was owed from a party, the other said it was rent money.