The ultimate Father’s Day gift ... caring, involved dads

Caring, involved fathers are doing more for their kids than they realise, writes Ann Wason Moore.

LET’S hear it for the boys.

Well, technically, men … I’m talking about our fathers.

It sounds like a prayer – and actually there is something sacred about a man who takes his paternal duties piously.

That’s not to say there isn’t room for a good dad joke in the mix, or some specifically stinky fatherly behaviour, but a good dad is so much more than puns and farts.

And perhaps never more so than now.

In a society where their daughters and sons are navigating not just social media but what it means to live with the shifting expectations and attitudes that accompany the #metoo movement, good fathers are changing with the times so they can both better understand and protect their children.

The new breed of Aussie dads have come a long way since their 1950s forefathers, who saw housework as women’s work.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE BULLETIN: $5 A MONTH FOR THE FIRST THREE MONTHS

I have loved watching my children’s father’s feminist eyes open as he sees the world through the perspective of his little girl.

There’s a great quote from former Nutrimetics boss and entrepreneurial legend Imelda Roche explaining how the tide turned towards women’s lib in the ’60s: “Men who could easily say ‘no’ to their wives, just could not deny their daughters.”

Not that my husband has ever said no to me. Just kidding (that’s a mum joke), but in all seriousness he’s never even come close to a sexist statement – he has three older sisters, after all.

But his right to the title of Best Dad Ever has nothing to do with what he says, but what he does.

He cooks, he cleans, he reads stories, he critiques dances and gymnastics moves.

So do I, of course. But I would honestly say we share the load equally – in fact, in terms of laundry loads I’d say he wins (or loses).

I don’t even have to ask him to help. But I also don’t believe that he deserves a medal for his participation. In fact, I think it’s pretty sad that his domestic involvement is considered unusual.

After all, we’re a partnership and we should share the load as much as we can – we both work, we both look after the kids, we both look after the house.

It’s pretty sad that some people still see domestic involvement by men as unusual. Picture: iStock.

MORE NEWS

Mum’s despair: ‘They keep chipping me away’

Love-struck teacher’s disastrous affair with ex-student

Jesinta Franklin: Pregnancy ‘like worst hangover times 1000’

What I love about our marital dynamic is not only that I don’t have to scrub the toilets solo, but it’s such a fantastic example for our children.

A study by the University of British Columbia shows that daughters of fathers who cross traditional gender lines at home (their words, not mine), by doing chores and caretaking “have greater ambition and confidence, helping them navigate sexist social and learning environments”.

As for the sons of these fathers … well, they’re going to make great husbands.

In the age of Trump, men like mine are what we need.

And he’s not alone. There’s a new breed of Australian dads who, through their actions, are building a better future for our kids – boys and girls.

This very weekend my husband and some fellow fathers chose to take the kids camping – giving the mums a weekend off. The fact that they didn’t realise they would be packing up the tents on Father’s Day instead of enjoying a sleep-in and some breakfast in bed is peak dad planning.

Bless their hearts.

Girls who report having caring, involved fathers have higher self-esteem and greater overall life satisfaction.

I have to admit that despite my loathing of tent-life – and mounting excitement at more than 48 hours of pure unadulterated me-time – I wish I was there with them.

These two nights away mean so much more than simply some outdoor adventures, it’s an opportunity to disconnect from technology and connect with each other.

And according to the Journal of North American Psychology, teenage girls who report having caring, involved fathers have higher self-esteem and greater overall life satisfaction. That’s the ultimate Father’s Day gift.

There is much criticism of the #metoo movement, and in some cases the pendulum has swung too far, but ask any father whether he believes his daughter should feel safe from sexual, verbal and physical abuse … or whether she should be paid the same as her brother for doing the same job, and the answer unmasks a whole new generation of feminist fathers.

They’re an answer to a prayer.