‘My husband booked a handyman and expected me to stay home from work’

“I told him I wasn’t skipping a day of work for his appointment, and now he’s livid and giving me the silent treatment.”

There’s an unspoken mental load that many of us mums carry.

Whether it be by choice or necessity, it often feels like our responsibility to remember to add items to the shopping list, schedule the play dates, pay the bills, book the car in for a service, pick ups and drop offs, all on top of either part-time or full-time work.

So, when I came across this one Reddit thread on the infamous, Am I the A**hole (AITA)? forum, I couldn’t help but feel my blood pressure rise as it was just another thoughtless addition to our never-ending to-do list.

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“He’s coming sometime between 8 and 11”

One woman has asked if she is in the wrong for a disagreement she shared with her husband. 

“My husband just told me as I’m going to bed that the fridge repair guy (stranger) is coming ‘sometime between 8 am and 11 am’ tomorrow,” she wrote.

“I asked why he was telling me this. Did you expect me to stay home from work? [and] He said, “Well, I can’t find anyone who can be here... then walked away,” she added. 

“When I came to bed, I asked him, “So, what are you gonna do about tomorrow morning?” as I had decided I was not going to let him assume his work was more important than mine, And he flew into a tirade about how I help everyone else who asks except him. 

“I pointed out the key difference is that others ask; they don’t just assume I am available or free on a whim. Now he’s livid, and I am getting the silent treatment.”

She then posed the all-important question, “Am I the A*sshole?”

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“There is a wild difference between assume and ask” 

As you can imagine, the comments section exploded with messages of support for the woman and everything short of hanging the guy for his crimes.

One commenter posted, “You were 100% right - there is a wild if difference between assume and ask. And, let’s face it, he wasn’t assuming you would stay at home - he was giving you an order to stay at home.”

“I would never schedule my wife’s time like that, and she would never do it to me. “The repair guy can be here Monday between 8 and 11. Can you be here?” That’s not so hard, is it?” questioned one.

And my favourite comment of all, “Unless your work is being a refrigerator-focused influencer, you are not the a**hole.”

However, one was quick to point out that perhaps both husband and wife were guilty, “Don't you both need the fridge to work properly or does your husband have his own personal refrigerator? 

“He's being childish & created the problem by not communicating, so he sucks more, but you're also being childish because you didn't say that staying home would actually be an issue for you, just that you're refusing because he assumed you could rather than asking you. 

“Are you both just going to leave the fridge broken while y'all have a standoff about who will stay home for the appointment? You both need to get it together!”

RELATED: 'Why do mums always have to carry everything?' woman asks in viral rant

Was the husband totally out of line assuming his wife would stay home? Source: iStock

“That’s not how my mum does it”

I’m from an Italian background where it was not only accepted but expected that women are the ultimate domestic goddesses who cook, clean, and do all the household chores. 

Now, before you come after me, this is from my own experience growing up, and I’m not saying every Italian is like this!

However, after dating many Italian boys, it was probably soon after one of them told me I wasn’t “folding his socks like his mum does” that I realised la vita was indeed not dolce and to consider dating outside my culture.

I then met my French/American husband, and he seemed a lot more open (and encouraging) about my career and my ambitions. 

He has even taken time out of his work day to meet the plumber or drop the car off at the mechanic during a work day—what a guy!

He grew up in a house where his mum worked full-time and put her career in the same league as his dad's.

I think as each new generation enters into the next adventure, that is, marriage and parenting, we become more respectful, open and understanding of a woman’s right to work (or not if she chooses), and hopefully, instances like the above aren’t as common.

Nonetheless, the guy whose socks needed to be folded like his mum did it got married, so I guess we still have a little way to go.

But progress is still progress, even if it's one sock at a time.

Originally published as ‘My husband booked a handyman and expected me to stay home from work’