The 'traumatic' cake act that's ruining our kids' birthdays

"This girl will never forget that day," is just one of the comments on a clip that's been viewed 8 million times.

2 min read

July 22, 2024 - 10:05AM

Mum's birthday candle decision divides the internet

Parenting

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Another day, another way the internet is telling us we're messing up our kids; except this time, they just might be right.

A TikTok influencer mum, Cecily Bauchmann, recently shared what seemed to be a sweet clip of her family singing happy birthday to her eldest daughter, 11, over a candle-lit cake.

While there was nothing unusual in that moment, viewers slammed the mum for what happened next - to the point that clip was deleted - but not before others shared it with stark observations of the birthday girl.

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The birthday girl has to share her moment

A mum posting under the handle @a.shleycollins, shared Cecily's clip, which shows the 11-year-old happily blowing out her candles.

As she does, she covers the mouth of her younger sister standing right next to her - evidently knowing the little girl wanted in on the candle action, but not wanting to share her special occasion.

And while she's successful, as soon as that moment is done, Cecily re-lights the candles and picks up her younger daughter so she can blow them out.

But that's not all, folks.

The smile completely falls off the face of the birthday girl... increasingly so as Cecily re-lights the candles again for the younger brothers.

In total, it happens three times before the cake is even cut. Each time, you can see that the 11-year-old's heart is crushed a little more.

Image: TikTok

"It's their birthday"

Ashley adds to the video, saying to her own young son:

"If you were at someone's birthday, and they had a cake in front of them with candles... are you supposed to blow those candles out?"

His little voice responds, "No... Because it's their birthday."

Ashley agrees, saying, "That takes away from their special day, right?"

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Ashley's clip has been viewed eight million times, with many confirming her opinion.

"[Cecily] has to delete it because the entire planet told her how horrible mother she was and with reason. It was heartbreaking to see the child face during the process," one viewer said.

"Exactly!! The horror in my own kids faces when I showed them the video! I’m so sorry for the birthday girl," wrote another.

And a third added, "That could be traumatic for a child if they're already not feeling special enough, as many kids aren't, especially eldest kids."

Other viewers shared that they had the same experience as kids, such as this person: "Yeah my parents did this, and I hated them for it."

It seemed to be a revelation for many, who had also been raised thinking this was a natural practice - this writer included, who until recently made her own son stand back and watch his cousins essentially spit on his cake as they blew out his re-lit candles.

Looking back now, I realise I was so focussed in making everyone else happy, watching them enjoy themselves, that I never looked at my son's face in those brief but meaningful seconds.

I actually can't believe it.

Other parents I've spoken to have also never considered the practice could be harmful. I think the key here is that the birthday child's consent is rarely taken; so if they have to share their moment, we should ask, and I'd say let them at least cut the cake first!