'Girlfriend, no.' To the single mum crying about making her own birthday cake

COMMENT: "I can buy myself flowers... your viral video doesn't speak for many of us; it actually hurts us."

Hello, my name is Nama and I'm the Parenting Editor at Kidspot.

That's relevant because I live and breathe parenting stories by and about single parents, especially single mums.

I've also been a single mum (actually, sole parent) myself for about 14 years.

So I know a thing or two about the single mum experience, and I can confidently tell you, it's not crying into a camera while making your own birthday cake and posting about it on TikTok for empathy.

(Look, I would also cry if I had to make a cake because I'm crap at baking, and so would the people who had to eat it.)

Sorry, @elizabeth. Your viral video doesn't speak for many of us; it actually hurts us.

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"I can buy myself flowers"

Single parents, especially single mums, still face so much stigma in 2024.

We're viewed as greedy and needy. We're definitely often viewed as 'pathetic' struggling to do life on our own - because the default still seems to be that only a couple with children can thrive in life.

But that's not the only way to have a family. That's not the only way to be happy, whether you have kids or not.

Yes, it's not always easy. But I know for sure that life isn't easy for anyone, and even married or partnered people struggle with parenting.

 Of course, single parents have their own unique issues; but my strong belief is that they begin with how we're perceived in society.

For example, when I told my best friend at the time that I was leaving my husband, she responded: "But what about status? You don't want to be just another single mum?"

Nama and her son. Image: supplied

I was appalled, because becoming a sole parent was the best decision I made for myself and my son. Years down the track, she also left her husband and told me, "Now I understand."

The last thing single mums need or want is pity. That's not helpful, at all.

We deserve understand, and respect; and Elizabeth's clip crying as she mixes (what one can only imagine is delicious batter) does not forward our "status" - or our resilience and determination to live the best life possible outside of the norm.

Being a single mum is a lot of work, but so is parenting in general. Image: TikTok

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"This is what single mums need instead"

Of course, there are genuine challenges facing single parents that desperately need attention. The discrimination we face trying to raise young kids while not always being able to work full time. The prejudice against single mums, especially during the dire rental crisis.

Our experience can be lonely, isolating, terrifying; as can be the journey for any woman, albeit in different ways.

Honestly, making our own birthday cake is the least of any woman's problem in 2024, let alone one that's specific to single mums. Most married women I know organise their own birthday celebrations, too! I'm not saying that's right... but it's not something people should feel sorry for about mums on their own.

As Miley says, you can buy yourself flowers.... and make your own cake and eat the whole thing yourself. Let's put that message out there, next time.

Originally published as 'Girlfriend, no.' To the single mum crying about making her own birthday cake