'I couldn't believe they were talking about this while they were stitching me up'

“There was no compassion in the room. My baby had just been taken away, and no one was talking to me.”

Emily was a typically excited first-time mum in the lead-up to the birth of her first child.

She was carefully planning for the arrival of her baby boy on the first day of her maternity leave when she felt a ‘gush’ as she stood from the dinner table.

Her baby boy was on the way, but what should have been a memorable and beautiful time turned into four days of terror, confusion and anger.

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Emily, from NSW’s central west, told 7Life the public hospital system spat her out like “another number”, leaving her with lasting birth trauma.

“From the moment I called the hospital I felt like a burden,” she said.

“It was like I didn’t matter, like I was invisible at the birth of my own son.

“They were talking about their golf game (on the weekend) as I was just lying there, open.”

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Emily was left traumatised after her birth experience with her son three years ago. Picture: 7Life

"Nobody was talking to me"

She was 37 weeks pregnant when she went into labour, so she phoned the hospital to explain she was bleeding quite heavily.

“My very first interaction with the health system was ... honestly, it was like another day in the office for them,” she said.

After that “unaccommodating” phone call, Emily and her partner drove to the hospital seeking in-person advice.

It was then she found out she had a partial placental abruption - a section of her placenta had detached from the uterine wall.

Now terrified, the still bleeding mother-to-be was told a Caesarean section would be the best way forward.

7Life reports the mum was then taken through consent forms before her partner was whisked away to “gown up” for the procedure as Emily was taken to theatre.

The anaesthetist did their job, and the OBGYN was about to begin surgery when Emily noticed her partner still wasn’t in the room.

“They didn’t say anything - nobody was talking to me,” Emily told 7Life. 

“I noticed my partner wasn’t even in the room yet, so I just said ‘Wait, where is he?’.”

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The new mum was left wondering about her baby for almost three hours after he was taken away after a caesarean. Picture: 7Life

"I instantly thought they were doing CPR"

A nurse fetched her partner before the surgery, and within seconds her son was lifted above the blue medical sheet separating her from the surgical site.

However, what should have been the best moment of Emily’s life was strangely eerie. Nobody said a word, the only sound was her son’s “gurgling”.

“It was so anticlimactic,” Emily said. “He was just lifted up like a fish caught on a charter boat.”

After a “brief” glance, a nurse took Emily’s son and moved him to the side of the operating theatre for an assessment.

Emily told 7Life she asked several times if her baby was okay, but nobody answered. Then a doctor started counting.

“I just heard, ‘one, two, three’, and I instantly thought they were doing CPR,” she said.

“I started losing control and just screamed, ‘Somebody tell me what is happening!’”

A doctor did tell Emily they were just “counting surgical instruments”, but a nurse later told Emily her son was having “a little trouble breathing”, and they wanted to take him to the special care nursery.

Emily’s partner went with their new baby, leaving the new mum by herself in the operating room.

“I felt invisible and alone,” she said.

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Emily refused to let go of her son for a full day after she got her first cuddle. Picture: 7Life

"I didn't let him go that night"

As surgeons began stitching Emily up, she recalls being horrified at their conversation.

“They were talking about ‘par on hole three’ - their golf game,” she said.

“There was no compassion in the room. My baby had just been taken away, and no one was talking to me.”

It would be another three hours of uncertainty before Emily would see her perfectly healthy baby boy.

“I didn’t let him go that night,” she said.

“The nurses kept asking if they could help me place him in the bassinet, but I couldn’t let him go.

“And I haven’t let him go since.” 

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"I'm still angry that I was treated so badly"

Unfortunately, stories like Emily’s aren’t uncommon in Australia, as shown by the Birth Trauma inquiry launched by the NSW government in July last year.

That inquiry received more than 4000 submissions, and there are thousands of others who have kept their stories to themselves.

Emily said watching the inquiry was like reliving her own horrific birth experience.

“It’s been three-and-a-half years since I gave birth to my son,” she told 7Life.

“I’m still angry that I was treated so badly and discarded like I didn’t matter.”

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"My story is what not to do"

Emily told 7Life she understood that not all births go to plan, but she couldn’t stand by and just be another ‘number’ to the hospital.

“I reached a point where I refused to believe this was how it had to be,” she said.

“Why did it have to go down like this? There are so many ways women should and can be supported during birth.”

She is sharing her story in the hopes it prevents other women from going through negative birth experiences.

“I don’t want my experience to be in vain,” she told 7Life.

“My story is what not to do. Giving birth should be magical, and I want to have as big of an impact as I can.

“Sharing my story has helped me heal, and has helped heal the system.”

Originally published as 'I couldn't believe they were talking about this while they were stitching me up'