My husband is refusing to get the snip, I can’t believe he’s being so selfish

After a traumatic birth and a series of miscarriages, Lauren wanted to take the first steps towards better health. But her husband has other ideas.

Alexandra Feiam

3 min read

February 28, 2024 - 8:14AM

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The journey to parenthood has been rocky for Lauren* and her husband Geoff*.

The couple welcomed their first and only child a short while ago via IVF but have experienced three miscarriages since; Lauren recently lost their fourth baby.

During her pregnancy, the British woman reported a wide array of health issues she faced, such as PCOS, and fluid in the pelvis, just to name a few, leading to their child being born with a birth defect.

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Lauren couldn't believe her husband would refuse a vasectomy after all the trauma her body has gone through. Source: iStock

“I wouldn’t put myself through that…”

The strain on her body has become too much for Lauren, and she’s fed up.

“I really don't want to go on hormones for birth control as I don't want to mess up my hormones and my body anymore,” she confessed to Mumsnet.

“I suffer enough and have had all number of procedures, tests, examinations, surgical procedures, scans and hormones pumped into my body,” she continued.

“I just want to be left alone.”

As a result of a traumatic birth and endless medical assessments, being prodded and stitched up by doctors, it’s starting to affect every aspect of her life.

“We don't have sex often for many reasons,” she confessed. “Mainly being I'm exhausted from being [a] mummy and in pain a lot.”

She explained that when it finally happens, “it’s lovely”, and she appreciates everything her husband does, but the pain makes it almost unbearable.

Fed up with constantly being afraid of her own body, she plucked up the courage to ask her husband for a vasectomy.

This way, they can “enjoy our sex life again in the knowledge I won't get pregnant and have a miscarriage or another baby.”

But before she could even explain why she thought it would be a wise decision, he shut her down.

“I wouldn't put myself through that,” he told her, leaving her gobsmacked.

“I am just completely shocked by how selfish that is,” she wrote, adding how “upset” she is by his words. “He’s usually a great man. All round.”

“Why should the woman always be the one to take contraceptive responsibility?”

An online poll found that the majority of other mums agreed with Lauren’s perspective, with 83 per cent arguing she wasn’t being unreasonable in her feelings.

“What an utterly selfish awful thing to say/think,” read a comment. “How dare he let you be absolutely battered and torn and then just sit there on his high horse saying he won't 'put himself through' a minor op to save your mental and physical anguish.”

“Why should the woman always be the one to take contraceptive responsibility?” another added.

One person suggested Lauren begin “writing a list of all the things your body has been through as a result of being impregnated” and get her husband to read it out loud.

“Make him understand what you have already put yourself through which is more than most,” they continued.

But others saw things from Geoff’s point of view, explaining to Lauren that it was his body and, therefore his choice to do what he wants with it.

“I'm sorry to hear what a hard time you've had, so I can understand where you're coming from,” a person began. “But it has to be the choice of the individual whether to undergo surgery and there are many other methods of both control.”

“He might feel differently in time,” another argued. “Why don’t you get your tubes tied or use a Dutch cap or something?”

*Names have been changed