Second Child Syndrome: Why more couples split after child #2

“The second child is not double the work, it’s triple the work,” says mum of two and family lawyer, Cassandra.

With Christmas just around the corner, it’s bound to be a difficult time to push through the holiday season, juggling a second child, and keeping up the livelihood of your marriage.

Here are her four key tips that can help at any time, but especially now.

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Second Child Syndrome

For women, adjusting to a second child can be daunting. There are so many changes to your body, your mental health and the overall adaptation to the needs of multiple people at the same time.

It’s absolutely draining, and this often leads to situations where you will most likely neglect your own needs as you take on the matron role. 

Most women going through their second child describe losing their identity as part of this process which is an intensely difficult process to navigate through. 

In order to give yourself a fighting chance, you need to be wary of these warning signs and reassure yourself of who you are, whilst also communicating to your partner what is going on. 

This leads to our next point - communication.

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Communication is paramount after your second child

We’ve all heard of the phrase ‘communication is key,’ but when you have your second child this is paramount for the longevity of the relationship with your family and your partner. 

You need to communicate your feelings, what’s on your plate, clear expectations and reasonable boundaries between you and your partner.

With clear and direct communication, you’ll be able to ensure expectations are clear between you and your partner, which will ultimately free up your time to recharge your batteries.

Remember, it’s okay to speak up and to say ‘no’ - no to people or to things you don’t want to do, at the end of the day, you need to focus on your family and their needs.

Get your finances sorted

A second child coming into the mix is essentially like a second wage that needs to be taken out.

This might mean that your next holiday might be pushed back but as long as you and your partner can nip this in the bud sooner rather than later, you won’t be put in that awkward position about questioning whether you can afford the next set of nappies. 

Keep your relationship alive

Most couples report being so busy trying to keep up with their finances and raising a child that they describe their relationship with their partner as if they’ve just met a stranger. This is mainly because our own needs - both emotional and physical, aren’t met.

In order to thrive, you need to make a strong commitment to quality time for yourself, and of course with your partner.

This can be something as simple as gym time or a doctor's appointment for yourself. When it comes to time with your partner, I recommend regular hourly chats after the kids have gone to bed. 

On top of this, fortnightly date nights are a definite go-to! It helps you and your partner unwind outside of home and it also gives your parents the opportunity to babysit.

With these four key tips, you’ll be able to put your best foot forward especially when it comes to raising your second child with your partner.

Originally published as Second Child Syndrome: Why more couples split after child #2