I’m not ready to share the grandparents with my brother's baby

"I'm about to lose their sole attention for my kid, and I'm bloody terrified." 

My sister-in-law is expecting, and I’m already not handling the future sharing of my parents with other grandkids!

Eight and a half years ago (yes, halves are essential: just ask my son), I gave my parents the best gift possible: becoming grandparents. Another gold star for me - I’m the eldest, and rewards matter!  

I knew how lucky I was to have their complete and undivided attention. Over the years, they have become grandparents again and again - all thanks to me.

Recently, I found out that my sister-in-law (who is married to my brother) is expecting. I’m thrilled for them. I am.

But a small part of me is nervous about sharing my parents as grandparents for the first time, knowing how loving, supportive, helpful, and hands-on they have been for my kids over the years.

How will my parents be able to do everything for me and my new niece or nephew? 

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Yes, I'm selfish - do I have to share? 

I’m not an only child. I should have seen this coming. I know I come off sounding like an entitled so-and-so. I do. I can admit I have flaws - don’t tell my husband. I’m just not good with change. And now I know where my kids get it from. 

I have had two sets of grandparents on call around the clock. Free babysitting, school pick-ups, overnight stays, kid-free holidays. People want to adopt my parents and in-laws just for the grandparent duties! I don’t take it for granted, and I know what a good set-up it is.

Of course, I think it’s important for my brother to have my parents’ help... I have a lot of kids and a job, and honestly, I really love and need the help I am currently getting.

Having had four children, I know what happens when a new baby arrives. More kids means more division of time and energy. My parents would want to keep things fair and equal - my brother has witnessed just how hands-on they are - so he will expect the same deal.

It’s only fair - but not at my expense.  

I can’t expect my mum to do all the things she does for me and also be there for my brother - the way she was when I had a newborn. It’s not physically possible (I wish I could clone my mum and myself!)

I also have thought about how my children will react. They have never had to share their grandparents' attention, except between each other as siblings. Suddenly, there’s a whole bunch of new variables that could introduce friction or conflict. And that scares me!

Mother of four admits she doesn't want to share her parents with her SIL. Source: iStock

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Maybe they won't want my parents' help (wishful thinking)

And while I have no idea what the future holds, I have seen how my kids interact when my niece and nephew come to visit from overseas. They can’t sleep over on their regular nights as the family stays when they visit. They don’t say it in so many words, but I see that deflated feeling that they are missing out. 

The again, it might not be as I fear in a few months. My kids might not be jealous about sharing their grandparents with their new cousin. I mean, I tell them to share all the time! Maybe my brother and SIL won’t want the all-access pass I have grown accustomed to.   

Who am I kidding? Of course, she will want it. I still want it! 

But I will enjoy the solo grandparents while I still have them. And when the new baby comes, allow my parents to enjoy another grandchild. They shouldn’t have to feel guilty for spending less time with my kids. 

Originally published as I’m not ready to share the grandparents with my brother's baby