Our kids can learn a lot from watching 'Dog Karens'

"When there was a dog attack on our street, I told my twins it was a brilliant lesson in gaslighting."

One of my neighbours was walking her dog in our quiet street recently when it was attacked by another.

After a physical and emotional battle to pull the two apart, she was shocked by the other dog owner’s bizarre response. 

“You need to train your dog to socialise better with others,” the woman said. 

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"The other dog had its jaws around her pet’s neck"

My neighbour was taken aback. After all, her pet had been on a leash and they’d been walking past when the other dog, off-leash, had approached. They were not in an off-leash area; somewhere you might expect dog owners to take their pets to socialise.  

This also wasn’t some mutual playful sparring gone wrong; at one point the other dog had its jaws around her pet’s neck. The desperate fight to separate the two had left my neighbour shaken and pulling on the leash had left her pet limp and struggling to breathe. 

Accidents happen of course but, in the circumstances, a reasonable person would have apologised. Instead, the other owner turned the tables. As my neighbour, a considerate person, retold the story a little later it was clear she was second-guessing herself. 

Was she in the wrong? Was the other woman right? Had the incident been her fault? 

Of course not. There’s no grey area here, if a pet is in a public space, you’re responsible for its actions. Even the most well-behaved animal is subject to instinct so having it off leash involves accepting responsibility for the risk; whether or not you choose to acknowledge it. 

It’s clearly my neighbour’s choice when, where and who her pooch socalises with. If it had been a child bitten, no reasonable person would have tried to make their fault. No responsible owner allows their dog to run over to and jump up on a child they don’t know.  

Image: Supplied

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"Attempted to manipulate the situation"

The whole episode reminded me of some conversations with my kids.  

Not long ago my wife and I were waiting to cross a busy road with my son when his basketball slipped out of his hands and he moved instinctively to catch it, almost stepping into the oncoming traffic.

Fortunately, we reacted quickly enough to stop him. 

In the aftermath he was determined not to accept any responsibility for the near miss. 

“It wasn’t my fault,” he’d repeat over and over. 

“Of course not,” we’d say, “but growing up means taking responsibility for our actions, including when there are unintended consequences. The important thing here isn’t to lay blame but accept responsibility and learn from the incident for the future.”  

That’s a lesson the other dog owner clearly had not learned. 

Rather than accept responsibility like an adult, she’d sought to shift blame like a child.

Perhaps without even knowing, she’d attempted to manipulate the situation to her advantage and gaslight our more considerate neighbour.  

Of course, the problem with gaslighting is that it doesn’t work well on more than one person. After similar incidents in the neighbourhood, most people have learned give the gas-lighter in the park a wide berth. 

It’s the dog I feel most sorry now. He’s not to blame for the actions of his owner but he is missing out on interaction with the rest pooches in our little community. And who knows what’s she’s blaming him for instead! 

Originally published as Our kids can learn a lot from watching 'Dog Karens'