Not all heroes wear capes - this is my life as a ‘roll’ model for my kids

"I am the only person in our home with this extraordinary ability."  

I have a particular set of skills. Skills acquired over a lifetime. No, I don’t mean beating up bad guys like Liam Neeson in the Taken movies. 

I’m talking about knowing when the loo paper roll needs replacing. And then doing it.

The drama in Taken begins with a call for help from a bathroom. Neeson’s character describes himself as someone who ‘prevents bad things from happening’.  

I can relate. He may have saved a few lives, but I reckon I’ve prevented many more embarrassing moments in the smallest room in our home.   

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Are heroes made or born? 

To be totally honest, I’m not entirely sure how this special skill works. I only know it involves using my eyes.  And then my hands.

I am the only person in our home with this extraordinary ability.

I do occasionally wonder if this skill is genetic and one day my kids will inherit it or, like Neeson’s character, it only comes with years of training.  

Paul McKeon and his son. Image: supplied

Are heroes made or born? That’s a question for the people at Marvel, I guess. As yet, there’s no sign of my kids taking notice of a single empty roll.  

It’s just me standing between them and … being caught short.  

As a result, it’s tempting to see myself, like Neeson, as our household’s lone protector. A Thin White Tissue Line, if you will.  

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Jedi mind-tricks 

But the reality is my wife has her own set of superpowers. 

She has an uncanny Spidey-sense. Somehow, she’s able to instinctively know when Book Week is approaching, which seems to happen ten times a year. 

Her conjuring powers rival the Blair Witch; school lunches seemingly materialise out of thin air each morning. 

And in seven years of school I’ve never once signed a permission form. Evidently, she is a master of the Jedi mind-trick. 

So, while I patrol the house like The Rock singing You’re Welcome, I also try to remind myself it takes more than one particular set of skills to raise kids.  

Ours are now in their final weeks of primary school with teenage years just around the corner. 

It’s a bitter-sweet time for most parents I suspect, a reminder their childhoods, and likely their time at home with us, are already more than half over. 

So perhaps I shouldn’t hope they’ll grow up just yet. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing they’re still dependent on us for food, shelter and fresh loo paper. 

Originally published as Not all heroes wear capes - this is my life as a ‘roll’ model for my kids