Just because it's a joint party, doesn't mean they don't get a cake each

"I don't get why she's insisting our kids have to share a birthday cake?"

Throwing a birthday party for a child is difficult enough as it is, without having other people trying to impose their choices on the event. 

So I'm not sure why people think doing joint birthday parties for kids is an 'easier' option.

Yes, most likely cheaper - but certainly not easier, as one mum discovered the hard way recently.

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"Is having two cakes uncommon at joint parties?"

The woman explained in an online advice group:

"We're organising a birthday party (5yo) for our DC and his friend. We didn't plan to organise anything this year, but a friend's mum suggested a joint party and we didn't object.

"I now have a feeling that they are just trying to arrange everything the way they like, at a split cost. I don't mind it too much but I went a bit mad when his mum suggested baking a cake for two of them, taking only into account her son's cake shape and character preference, not asking about my DC's wishes.

"She is mediocre hobby baker and I would prefer ordering from a professional. My DS would like a cake in a different character shape and we wanted to adhere to this as it's his birthday.

"We mentioned this to friend's mum and she got pretty mad. She now doesn't even want to talk to us.

"I'm wondering, should I just give in or order a separate cake to fulfil my DC bday wish, as I've originally planned? Is having two cakes (similar size) uncommon at joint parties?"

Image: iStock

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"Back out of the joint party"

The comments section was in agreement with their advice for the mum. They urged her to back out of the plans, with one writing, "To be honest, you hit the nail of the head when you said they're trying to arrange everything the way they like, at a split cost.

"Perhaps it's better to tell them now that you'll be arranging a separate event for your son and part ways."

This person agreed, adding, "I think I’d be stepping away from the joint party altogether, if negotiations have broken down over cake! DS had several joint parties when he was younger and separate cakes were the norm."

And a third wrote: "I would feel very strongly that my child should have their own birthday cake especially if they have a particular theme in mind. If this is a deal breaker for her then I would suggest that she holds her own birthday party for her son and you hold a separate one for your own child."

Some accused the mum of being rude to assume the other mum's cake would be inferior.

"I was with you until you said that homemade cakes taste bland. I would rather a home baked one any day over some shop bought one full of additives and other rubbish," one mum shared.

And this parent said bluntly:

"This is very rude. Assuming she’s not a terrible baker, I nearly always prefer the taste of homemade cakes to bakery ones, even though bakery ones can look more professional.

"I assume you didn’t say anything like this when you spoke to her ?! If you just said “oh, actually I think we’ll provide DS’s cake, I know he’d like to have an x character one, and it would be nice for them each to have their own cake” that would be fine.

"But anything hinting that you want shop bought because it’s better, looks / tastes nicer , more professional etc would be rude."

Originally published as Just because it's a joint party, doesn't mean they don't get a cake each