'I'm worried the host thinks I was rude for what I did at her son's party'

"She's left my texts unanswered ever since."

Eleanor Katelaris

3 min read

June 14, 2024 - 2:41PM

Primary School

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When it comes to kids' birthday parties, there’s always a bit of confusion about what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Recently, a post by a Sydney mum in a local Facebook group highlighted the fact that a lot of parents really don't know what the go is regarding parental supervision and leaving their kids at parties.

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Image: IStock / Facebook

The party dilemma

The mum, who wanted to remain anonymous, shared her experience after attending a birthday party with her daughter recently.

She wrote: “My daughter is 7.5 years old, and recently, we went to a classmate's home for his birthday party. After arriving, the host parents mentioned three times to me that I could leave her there and spend these two hours outside. However, I politely refused, and I stayed at the party. After the party that same evening, I sent a thank you Whatsapp message to the host mum; however, she hasn't replied yet, which is very unlike her (before this party).”

She continued: “Anyway, now I have a feeling, she didn't like the fact that I stayed there the whole time. I wasn't alone though, two other parents also were there whole time. I was born in a different culture and came from a very conservative, strict family. Situations like this, leaving my daughter in other's homes for play dates and sleepovers were never allowed by my mum and dad.

“Now my question to you mums, do you think it was rude that I didn't leave the party even though host mentioned it a few times? What is the best way to handle this situation so that the host family doesn't get upset like this time (if she is)? Thanks in advance.”

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Advice flowed in for the mum

The post quickly gained attention, with parents weighing in with their own perspectives on the matter.

One parent reassured her, saying, “You did nothing wrong. If you do not feel comfortable leaving your child, that is absolutely okay! Even if the other mum was slightly ticked by this, I’m sure she will get over it.”

Another comment theorised, “The only reason I could see the parent wasn’t happy is if they didn’t cater for parents to stay in terms of food.”

Echoing a similar sentiment, another parent wrote, “Absolutely not. You did the right thing. I frankly would not be attending any gathering where there is an expectation a child that young is left alone. I was brought up in a similar environment and I feel no need to apologise to anyone for maintaining those values and neither should you. They're probably busy so don't read too much into it. Time will tell whether there is an actual issue and then you can decide whether their values align with yours. They don't have to be the same but they do have to respect people approach these things differently.”

One mum added, “The lady just had a kids’ party at her house. It’s chaos. Her priority is to clean up and get some rest. Maybe a quiet warm cup of tea. Her suggestion was just politeness. That would have been me 100% wanting to make sure my guests were comfortable and didn’t feel they need to do anything. Meanwhile, we’re all discussing her on social media …. If an issue, give her a call. Have a chat. The woman merely did not reply after a kids’ party at her house. She’s probs received a dozen thank you messages.”

Finally, a seasoned party planner shared their approach, “I always put in my invites if it was a drop-off party, with a note to call me if this was an issue or the parent wanted to stay. But I made sure to get it out there straight away. I had a mix of drop-off and stay parties. To me, it sounds like maybe you didn’t / don’t know the mum very well. Maybe she just felt uncomfortable as she didn’t really know you. I don’t think what you did was rude, maybe a bit more communication of both sides would have helped.”