‘If your kid has a birthday party, you have to invite everyone in their class’

“She’s been in her room sobbing, wondering what she’s done wrong,” heartbroken Amber said.  

A mum has sparked a debate online about birthday party etiquette after being excluded from a birthday party, despite the rest of her class receiving an invitation.

Amber’s 10-year-old daughter goes to a very small school in Suffolk, with only 15 pupils in her entire year level. In schools like this, it’s hard to keep anything a secret, especially something as exciting as a birthday party. 

So when Amber found out her daughter was one of the only students excluded from another pupil’s birthday/sleepover party, she hit the roof. 

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“If your kid is going to have a birthday party, you invite the whole class”

Taking to TikTok to vent her frustrations, Amber explained why it was “not OK” to not invite everyone in the class to a party. 

“My daughter's been in her bedroom for two days absolutely sobbing,” Amber vented. “She's literally heartbroken.”

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She explained that her daughter’s friends were “at this sleepover” while she and one other classmate were excluded. 

“I’m sorry; in my opinion, that is not OK,” she said. “If your kid is going to have a birthday party or a sleepover, in my opinion, you invite the whole class.” 

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Amber explained that if a parent “can’t afford to invite the whole class”, then they shouldn’t invite any at all. 

Even if the child isn’t friends with everyone in the class, Amber argued it was the “parents' responsibility” to ensure every classmate feels included. 

“If the children say, 'But I don't want her to come', you have a word with your kids,” she continued. “You say, 'No, everyone comes or no one comes' because that is the right thing to do and children don't get hurt.” 

RELATED: I want to confront the mum whose child pulled a no-show at my girl's party

Amber ws furious her daughter was one of the only students excluded from the party. Picture: journey.of.ambz.1/TikTok

“My kids choose who they want to invite”

The video quickly went viral, sparking a huge debate about the proper etiquette for birthday party invitations. 

“Girl, what?” someone asked. “I ain’t inviting the whole class. Whoever my girl wants at her birthday will be invited.” 

“What?!” a baffled person wrote. “Would you invite someone you don’t really like to your birthday celebration? I wouldn’t, lol.” 

Other parents rejected Amber’s thinking and argued it was a bad idea to invite the entire class to a birthday party. “Absolutely not,” said another parent. “My kids choose who they want to invite.”

“As horrible it is for us mums, unfortunately, it’s life,” said another. “I have four kids, and it happened a lot, but everyone is entitled to be friends with some people and not with others.”

This was the perfect opportunity for Amber to teach her daughter “to be resilient” because “she won’t always be included in everything, and you shouldn’t have raised her to expect to be”. 

“I will explain to my daughter that not everything is going to go her way; not everyone is going to like her,” Amber said in response.

“But at such a delicate, young age, I didn’t think I’d have to have that conversation so young in a tiny, little primary school.” 

Coming to Amber’s defence, some TikTokers shared their own experience with having a child excluded from a class birthday party. “My son has ADHD and has never been invited to a party. It makes me so sad as a mum, it's not right,” wrote a parent. 

“It is so so hard, isn’t it,” another mum chimed in. “My personal opinion is do the whole class, or if you can let your child pick a couple of kids, but don’t only let there be a handful who arent!”

Originally published as ‘If your kid has a birthday party, you have to invite everyone in their class’