I worked out my value as an Uber and charged my kids

"Obviously, I have a five star driver rating. But my kids' passenger ratings are looking dire."

Parents with older kids warned me: "Just wait - soon you will be an Uber driver for your kids." 

They were right. And it’s driving me (pardon the pun), crazy. 

While yes, as a driver, I am a five-star, my kids are not! They aren't concerned about their passenger rating.

If I were to rate them as passengers, they would be one star. And I think that's being generous because my calculations include their behaviour at home as well as in the car. 

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My weekends are spent refereeing fights and driving

Allow me to share just a glimpse of my past weekend.

My kids were up at 6:30 am despite having nowhere to be until 10 am. Their demands began as soon as they thrust open our bedroom door. 

Parents, you can fill in the blanks, but here's how 6:30 am - 6:31 am went down:

"I want…"

"He just…"

"Can I..."

"Where's my…"

I know - that's the life we chose as parents - but still. It's hectic.

The boys enjoy full lives thanks to their MUber. Image: supplied

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The list of demands was endless, while my instructions and requests were not even heard. 

Our weekends are often spent shuffling the kids from one activity to a party to another until the sun goes down. So you can imagine I was less than impressed that when I asked my boys to get dressed and ready for their day, they chose to fight each other, ignore us, and talk back to us when we knew what time we needed to go.

This was even with the added time for a caffeine stop on the way. I am not spending my day in the car without a coffee first. 

At this point, I am fed up chasing them around the house. They've managed to take off their pyjamas, but only to use them as weapons, not to get into outside clothes. 

While I watch, the clock ticks over and my rage metre boils over. 

I firmly say, "You'll be late to chess." 

Nothing. 

I scream, "You need to be dressed and in the car 15 minutes ago. Can you get dressed so we can go?"

I got a glance, but everyone continued to move at a glacial pace. 

This MUber has had enough. Image: Supplied

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I knew something had to be done, so I called an Uber

I couldn't take it. I whipped out my phone and opened the Uber app. 

Before you "@" me, I did not put them in the Uber (although it was tempting). 

No, I wanted to see the cost of the trip, $14 one way. 

Then I started to write. 

"I owe you $28 for the lifts today because I was rude & didn't listen." 

I then put a list of chores together with a value for each. 

I walked over to my eldest, and with steam bursting from my ears, I said, "I am not driving you to Chess unless you sign this."

I then quickly added a life lesson: "Read it first. You shouldn't sign anything you haven't read!"

He looked perplexed. 

I reminded him that he was already late and that I would not get in the car without a signed contract to do these chores when he got home. 

He signed, so off we went. 

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“I’m not a slave”

As soon as he got in the door later that day, I reminded him about his chores. He fought me tooth and nail, putting his clothes away. 

Throwing out lines like "I'm not a slave", "This is so boring", and "It's taking forever."

Hard relate, kid! 

After I taught him how to hang clothes on a hanger, he got in the rhythm. The same goes for putting the clothes on the line.

He chopped the veggies for the salad and flipped burgers on the BBQ, with my husband's supervision, of course. 

I noticed something had changed in him. He was proud. He had learned a new skill. He felt important. He felt responsible.

And I felt validated. 

At the end of the day, as parents, we are glorified Uber drivers. But that doesn't mean that our kids can get away with being rude. They wouldn't do it to a stranger, so why should they do it to the people who are schlepping them around? 

After this weekend, I'll give them a four-star rating. More importantly, they now understand the mundane tasks that I do for them for free.

Originally published as I worked out my value as an Uber and charged my kids