'A reason to party and cake: in defence of gender reveals'

"Criticising people who are just excited to know if they’re having a son or a daughter seems, honestly, like an unnecessary killjoy."

If I had to pinpoint the moment that the pendulum of public opinion swung against gender announcements, it was probably when the parents-to-be began starting forest fires.

And boy, did it swing hard: the general consensus of the Internet in 2025 is that it is deeply uncool to celebrate finding out your baby’s gender.

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"I had gender reveals for both babies"

Look, I get it: nobody needs their “it’s a girl!” announcement with a side of environmental destruction. I think we can all agree that anything involving flames can be safely left behind in 2019.

But as for the gender reveals themselves? Well, call me deeply uncool (you won’t be the first person), but I had a gender reveal for both my babies.

Yep, I went the whole hog twice: the secret email attachment from the obstetrician passed on to a dear friend, the cake filled with smarties in blue or pink, the big moment of reveal as my husband and I sliced into it and discovered out we were having a son and later, his brother.

It was silly, and it was frivolous, and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

Image: Zoe Rochford

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"One of my most cherished pregnancy memories"

As someone who went on to have significant complications in my first pregnancy, and missed a number of the usual “celebratory” moments like a baby shower and bringing home my baby from the hospital after he was born, cutting into that blue cake is one of my most cherished pregnancy memories. It’s the moment my son went from hypothetical to real: we weren’t just having “a baby”, we were having a son.

When you’re pregnant, especially with your first child, imagining your baby as a human being is close to impossible. If you’re lucky, you might have a couple of grainy black-and-white ultrasound images to get you through nine months of waiting. Everything about your child is a mystery: what they’ll look like, which parent they’ll take after, whether they’ll be an introvert or an extrovert, whether they’ll like tomatoes on their sandwiches.

I can’t bring myself to criticise expectant mums and dads who just want to know something - anything - more about the child who’ll go on to change their entire worlds. After all, I was one of them.

Millennial mum Zoe. Image: supplied

Not only can I not criticise it, but I firmly believe it’s worthy of a celebration. In life, and especially in adulthood, there are so few moments of genuine surprise and delight. Criticising people who are just excited to know if they’re having a son or a daughter seems, honestly, like an unnecessary killjoy.

There’s no need for fireworks, or firecrackers - let’s just agree right now that we won’t light anything on fire, okay? - but a celebration among a group of people who just can’t wait to meet a tiny, unborn human feels like something we should support, not condemn.

Of course, it’s not just the over-the-top nature of gender reveals which has people up in arms. It’s also the concept that the gender (or, to be more technical, the sex) of your unborn baby matters at all.

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For anyone ready to jump down my throat and assure me that gender reveals are ridiculous because gender is just a construct, I couldn’t be more on board! I want my kids to feel free to express their gender however they choose.

If either of them ever come to me and tell me that “boy” no longer vibes for them, I’m not going to whip out those blue cakes like some kind of weird gender receipt. On the contrary, I’ll be overjoyed: another gender reveal? I love those!

Let’s make a new cake and have another party!

Originally published as 'A reason to party and cake: in defence of gender reveals'