Khloe Kardashian didn’t see her son born because she ‘wasn’t ready’

The reality star candidly reveals what her first moments with her second born were like: "If you ever watch that episode, and when the baby is on my chest... my eyes are blank."

Ahead of the new season of The Kardashians, Khloe has opened up about her challenges in bonding with her baby, Tatum, who was born via surrogate. 

She spoke candidly with her OB-GYN, Dr. Thaïs Alibadi (aka Dr. A), and Mary Alice Haney while appearing on the She MD podcast. And it's likely the most candid we've ever heard the reality star. 

"That was tough for me. I wasn't carrying him. I didn't really feel anything," the reality star disclosed.

"With True, I could feel things about her," she continued, "or when I would pray at night, I would pray, and we would have our conversations, and I don't know, I just felt True's spirit.

"Even when it's someone else, they have the ultrasound device on them, so it's not the same."

She became so overwhelmed that her doctor offered to take the baby home after he was born until "she was ready." 

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Khloe and Tatum. Source: Instagram

RELATED: Khloe Kardashian has changed her son Tatum’s name

"You let me know when you're ready to pick him up"

"I wasn't at a tonne of the doctor's appointments while my surrogate was pregnant," she said, "to protect her privacy. I didn't want paparazzi finding out and all those things. I would always be on FaceTime."

She added that Tatum's arrival surprised her, as she had arranged a trip to Disneyland for her first child, True. "The baby wasn't due for another week or two, and this was my last weekend with my daughter True," she said, "I just needed the weekend."

This is when Dr. A offered to help. 

"She goes, 'You know what?' I'll deliver the baby. I'll take the baby and you let me know when you're ready to pick him up,' " Kardashian said. "And I was like, 'What?' I'm like, 'Who does this? Who even offers that?' And she did. And I remember I was like to myself, 'Khloé, snap out of it. This is life. We got to do this.'"

"I buried my head in the sand"

The entire pregnancy was a challenge for Khloe, not only trying to maintain the anonymity of her surrogate but also fearing the public backlash. After it was revealed that her partner Tristan had fathered another child while they were together. 

"The entire pregnancy of my surrogate, I buried my head in the sand."

"I couldn't face it, let alone hear the noise. So, I became very much a recluse. I didn't decorate the baby's room because I didn't want people in my home knowing. I am filming a TV show. Nobody knew. I couldn't admit this to anybody because I was so ashamed."

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"I was a deer in headlights. I was so scared"

However, her feelings of "detachment" didn't end when Tatum was delivered. She recalls the moment she had skin-to-skin contact, which was also filmed on their reality show. 

"When Dr A put him on me to do skin-to-skin, like my face, we filmed Kardashians. Looking back now, my face was like I was a deer in headlights. I was so scared."

"I felt like, I can't believe this is real, not in a bad, not in a good, it was just a sensory overload."

What got her through? Her family, especially her older sister Kimberley. 

"She was my prince on a white horse. She comes, she takes me. The way that Kim pulled up was...because she knew I was hanging on by a thread if that."

Khloe's children, Tatum and True. Source: Instagram

RELATED: Khloe wasn’t only keeping her second baby a secret from fans

"It really took me about that long to connect with him"

Khloe admits this is why it took so long to name her son. She would call him 'baby' or 'papa' until she slowly developed a connection to him. 

"Creating a human takes 9-10 months. It really took me about that long to connect with him as well."

She added, "I actually didn't legally name Tatum, I think maybe for eight months. It was a long time. And I'm embarrassed to say that."

That feeling is long gone these days, as Khloe is now "obsessed" with her little boy. But one more thing she needed to clear up? Making sure Tristan was actually Tatum's dad. The reality star admitted she was slightly rattled at how the toddler bears a genuinely striking resemblance to her brother, Rob Kardashian.

"My son looks just like my brother," she joked. "Because he was an IVF baby or a surrogate baby, I was like, 'Rob, have you ever donated sperm somewhere?'"

The Kardashians, season 5 premieres May 23 on Disney+.

Originally published as Khloe Kardashian didn’t see her son born because she ‘wasn’t ready’