Jana Hocking on the dating ‘truth bomb’ she needed to hear

Long-term singleton Jana Hocking has been doing something very wrong when it comes to finding love and someone finally told her the truth.

When it comes to first dates, I often find myself treating them like an audition. I glam myself up, have a glass of courage (aka champagne), tell my witty jokes, laugh at his jokes like he’s the world’s best comedian, and put on a show.

Yep, if I thought a tap dance would add an extra bit of sparkle to the date, I’d strap on my tap shoes.

So when I invited Jordanna Levin, author of Make It Happen and all round ‘Manifestation Guru’, onto my podcast to find out how we can all manifest our dream partners, she dropped a truth bomb on me that I wasn’t expecting.

She questioned why I spend so much time and energy trying to make my date like me, rather then pondering whether I actually like them.

Now sure, it seems like a stock standard thing you should do, but does the anxiety of dating make us perform like circus clowns in a bid for love and attention?

Is this making us neglect the general point of date, which is to see if you both have something in common, hopefully a bond, and a general fondness for each other?

Jana Hocking focuses so much on being liked by a date, she doesn’t assess whether she likes them. Picture: Instagram.

It made me think of some of the guys I have dated recently …. and I realised I was putting in a heck load of effort and not really getting it back.

Jordanna explained that to manifest our perfect partner, we need to get to know ourselves better. Stop focusing on the bloke and start focusing on what our wants and needs are. She explained that a really good place to start is having a natal chart reading.

A natal chart reading is an astronomical snapshot of the stars based on the exact day, time, and place you were born. It can indicate your character traits, behavioural tendencies, hidden desires, and the directions your life might take.

Sure it sounds very woo woo, but if you’re anything like me and think, “Sheesh, I don’t even know where to start”, this is a good base.

Recently I’ve decided to ‘lean in’ to the whole astrology thing, especially because according to my birth date, I am a Leo, and if you read the traits of a Leo, well … I couldn’t be more spot on.

To put it shamelessly, yes, I love the spotlight, yes, I’m a show off, no, I don’t like my pride being challenged, and I enjoy a good roar (metaphorically, obviously!).

So, getting a natal chart reading can really help you figure out what your star signs says about you. What are some of your character traits, and what traits in another person would they work well with?

For example, I feed off other people’s energy. I’m like a moth to a flame when it comes to flamboyant, loud, cheeky fun people. So a chilled out Pisces probably isn’t for me.

Now if you don’t really want to buy into the whole astrological thing, you could always just start with a list of traits you like about yourself, and then see if they match with the person you’re currently dating … or hoping to date!

Long term would it work if you’re a career go-getter, and your bloke just wants to do his job and then come home and play PlayStation all night?

You need to make sure your character traits match with your date’s traits. Picture: Instagram.

To manifest your dream date, you’ve first got to decide what traits in a partner is important to you. So start by writing them down. The other cheeky thing about manifestation is that you’ve got to take responsibility and ownership of your manifestation.

So if you’ve decided you want a fun, hard working, emotionally open, go-getter – then get out there and find him.

I read this great quote the other day that said: “If you want something, start by taking one small step every day to get you closer to making it happen.”

Like a good manifestor, I decided to put it into practise with my love life. So, here’s the plan: day one, write down a list of my traits, day two write down a list of traits in a bloke that would work well alongside my traits (and I find attractive both metaphorically and physically). Day three, DM a bloke I know who has those traits, and just keep on doing small steps until you find yourself successfully in a blissful relationship.

I mean, let’s be honest, it certainly can’t hurt to give it a go!

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on the dating ‘truth bomb’ she needed to hear