Jana Hocking: What are the rules when dating your friend’s ex?

Your best mate’s ex is forbidden fruit, but what do you do when you can’t resist? Jana Hocking has some tips to help you escape unscathed.

This week on my podcast I had my gorgeous friend, Laura Csortan, on as a guest. We met at a party a few years ago and it’s like two troublemakers found their twin. We were inseparable for the entire party, and have been firm friends ever since.

So, as happens when you build a friendship, somewhere along the lines you start talking about guys you’ve dated, or kissed, or flirted with, and like half of Sydney singleton’s in their thirties, we discovered we were ‘spit sisters’.

Yes it’s a gross term, but what it basically means is, we’ve both kissed some of the same guys – and trust me, it’s not uncommon.

Quite a few friends in my friendship group and I, share the same title. In fact, one of my closest friends is currently dating a guy I went out with a few years ago.

We all picnicked together, just last weekend.

Jana Hocking says there are rules when it comes to dating your friend’s ex. Picture: Instagram/JanaHocking

So it brought us to the topic of, well … what are the rules when it comes to dating someone your friend has already dated, and I tell you what … it is a major grey area!

Here is how I see it … If you’ve seen your friend cry over a bloke, or had her heart absolutely broken into pieces over a bloke – he is off bounds!

Firstly, because it is your duty to HATE him, and secondly, friends are family.

However …. There are plenty of us who have been the dumpee before, and to my friends I say, go for gold! If you find that someone, who I have broken up with drama-free, is floating your boat, then he is fair game. You may certainly be better matched, and who am I to stand in front of cupids bow?

Now before we all get ahead of ourselves, and scan through our friends exes like the thirsty lockdown bandits that we truly are, I should state there are some further rules to abide by when it comes to dating a friend’s ex.

They go as follows …

Try to avoid dating your best friend’s ex – he’s one guy you should really ‘hate’. Picture: Instagram/JanaHocking

You MUST have a conversation with your friend first

Now, you think this would go without saying, however let’s be honest, no one enjoys an awkward conversation, and anyone who says there isn’t a teeny tiny thrill in sneaking around is lying.

However, as I said before, friends are family and you’ve got to do them right. If you think this guy is someone you would like to get to know better … or at least naked … you’ve got to have the chat. Rip it off like a bandaid. Trust me, you’ll feel better for it.

Check if both your friend and the ex are in a good place

If your friend can’t stand the ex, it’s highly likely he won’t be welcomed at a dinner party. You don’t need that drama. Also, it could mean the date ended on a bad note. Find out why. If it’s possible to avoid some big ol’ red flags, then count it as a blessing.

Check you actually have feelings for them

Now you can fight me on this, but trust me, it can’t hurt to check in with yourself.

Do you like the bloke or just the thrill of it all. If this isn’t worth losing a friendship over, don’t proceed past go. Don’t collect $200. Go on a dating app instead. Plenty of fish in the sea, and all that jazz …

Ponder how close this person is to you as a friend

Are you about to date your BEST friend’s ex? Ooooh girl, you are playing with fire!

If this is a girl who sometimes pops up in one of your friendship WhatsApp grounds, still have a convo, and proceed with care … but if this is your BEST friend … then you want to make sure this bloke is someone you could potentially marry. Otherwise, you’re basically a dirty scumbag.

Ok, I hope that clears it up once and for all. The dating world can be ROUGH. Take care with that heart of yours.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking