8 thoughts I had after going to Costco for the first time

From finding out the massive secret that all members are keeping to themselves to the most bizarre thing I saw...

Eleanor Katelaris

8 min read

October 24, 2024 - 3:22PM

Lifestyle

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Ah, the mythical land of bulk-buying, where trollies are as big as small cars and the snacks are large enough to feed a small army.

I’d heard whispers about it from friends who were members and they’d speak about it like it was the Disneyland of the supermarket world.

They’d rave about all the free samples, how much toilet paper they’d scored and spill on what’s worth it and what’s not.

It was hard not to be curious. I began to think about all the savings that I was not saving and all the samples I was not sampling. Soon enough, I had full-blown Costco FOMO.

When my membership-holding manager Leah asked if I wanted to go with her one day in the name of ‘work’, I jumped at the opportunity and frantically began writing a shopping list of things I needed.

My criteria was simple and as follows:

1) Must be non-perishable or be able to be frozen

2) Must be something I use on a regular basis, i.e. weekly.

With no further expectations and an open mind, away we went, all the way to Auburn to one of the biggest Costco stores in Sydney.

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Waiting... waiting, then we had to buy a membership. Image: Supplied

Initial thoughts

From the outset, I could tell that I was going to be in for a wild ride. There was a queue out the front before the doors even opened at 10am. Everyone was jostling for the front position with their giant trollies, ready to burst into the store and disperse like ants amongst the super-sized shelves.

I made sure not to Google anything about Costco before going, so I really had no idea what was waiting for me beyond the doors. But I knew from watching those keen customers outside, that they knew something I didn’t… that perhaps things were about to get hectic.

The roller door slowly opened, which could only mean one thing… GAME TIME.

And now that I've survived, here are all the thoughts I had during my first visit to Costco.

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1. Do I need a membership for oxygen?

I made it about two meters past the door before I was stopped by a woman in a high-vis vest, with a walkie-talkie and a clipboard.

“Excuse me, do you have a membership?” she asked with the sort of authority you’d expect from a security guard at an underground nightclub.

My first thought was, ‘Do I need a bloody membership for the oxygen I just breathed? Chill out, lady!’

And then my second thought was how silly is it that you need to pay money in order to save money. I wanted to tell her this, but realised she wasn’t the right person to air my pre-conceived grievances to.

I looked to Leah, as if to say, “I’m with her, I’m the plus one,” but Leah informed me that her membership had in fact, expired.

We weren’t off to a great start, but at least I got to see how signing up for a membership worked. We went to the front desk, where we were presented with three tiers of memberships, ranging from individual, business and something called ‘Executive’.

The executive members got a black card, while the others got white, and suddenly, I felt like I needed one. I didn’t know what it entailed, but it seemed exclusive and fancy.

Leah then bought the regular membership, and my dreams of being a Costco VIP (or at least knowing one) were quickly quashed.

Budget 'till I die. Image: Supplied

2. When they say Costco sells everything, they mean it

I knew that Costco was famous for selling lots of random things, but I couldn’t have imagined just how random we were talking.

The first thing I saw after entering were coffins. Yep, Costco has even taken their commitment to savings to the afterlife, because apparently, the best way to ensure you rest in peace is knowing that you saved money while doing it, right?

I reckon Costco’s new slogan should be: “From nappies to coffins, Costco has you covered from birth to death.”

Catchy!

I will say, I was slightly disappointed that the “value coffins” didn't offer a two-for-one-special. A missed opportunity there.

Who are you? Nobody knows. Image: Supplied

3. Is it ALDI? Is it IKEA? Is it Bunnings? Costco has an identity crisis

Speaking of all the odd things that Costco sells, I began to realise that Costco has an identity crisis.

As I walked amongst the colossal aisles, I couldn’t work it out… is it like a Bunnings? The warehouse layout, palettes and plants would indicate yes...

But then, as I worked my way through more of the labyrinthine rows, past the furniture, appliances and home decor… I wondered, is this more like IKEA? It felt like a maze that I couldn’t get out of, so… yes, definitely IKEA vibes.

But THEN, I got to the food section and it looked way more like a supermarket, so I was like… ALDI, is that you?! I was confused.

Costco - I know you’re trying to be everything to everyone, but at the end of the day, you’ve spread yourself too thin and you’re nothing to no one.

There. I said it.

Let me explain. While I think it’s great that they’re trying to be a one-stop-shop - I just felt myself craving a bit more depth, less breadth, y’know?

So while they sell toys, games, books, clothes, sofas, fridges, pet supplies, various interesting lollies imported from the US and have an in-house optometrist - they didn’t have a lot of the pantry staples I actually came for.

Look, I get it. Costco opened in Australia in 2009, which makes it 13 years old, the prime age where teens are discovering who they are and are going through an identity crisis.

I remember when I was 13 too and I tried to embody all the fashion trends at once. I wanted to be a goth, a boho beach babe and Sporty Spice all at once. It just doesn’t work.

Take note, Costco.

The biggest bag of chips I've ever seen. Image: Supplied

4. Who needs this much mayonnaise?

While perusing the towering stacks of pantry items, from mayonnaise to pasta, I began to think, who needs this much stuff?

Yes, I was just shopping for a household of two, but still. This stuff is jumbo! I get why people with small businesses shop here because the stuff is literally so HA-UGEEEE.

But is bigger really better?

Unless you have a massive family, I recommend going in with some friends or relatives and splitting up some of the bulk items. It just doesn’t make that much sense to buy massive sizes of everything, especially if you won't use it all.

For me, personally - I don’t have the space, and stocking my garage full of canned tomatoes would just make me look like a doomsday hoarder.

5. The maths ain’t mathing

This is a big one and something I’m sure a lot of regulars know and aren't telling us, which begs the question - why do they shop here in the first place…

MOST THINGS ARE NOT CHEAPER AT COSTCO. I repeat, most things are not cheaper at Costco.

Alarming, I know.

I, like many other first-time punters, would think if you’re buying in bulk, it’s cheaper. That’s the whole premise behind shopping at Costco, right? … wrong.

For some reason, the maths did not add up on a lot of items I went to look at. I made sure to compare everything per kilo to what it would be at Coles and most things were either 10-20c cheaper, the same price OR EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE. *gasp*

I was not impressed and even a bit blindsided. I was expecting massive savings left, right and centre, but all I saw was just big packets of things for not much better value.

I know what you’re yelling at me behind the screen. “You just need to know what to get!!!”

I hear you. But also, if I have to go searching THAT hard for savings, I don’t want them. I’m here for convenience, not a treasure hunt.

So. much. meat. Image: Supplied

6. Meat was the only thing that was actually good value

I have to back that last point up with a positive point, because I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade.

When I arrived at the meat section, it felt like an oasis in the middle of a desert that was devoid of savings.

There were bulk packs of good quality mince for great prices, cheap whole chickens, bulk packs of chicken breasts and thighs, ribs, full tomahawk steaks, rib eyes - you name it, they had it.

I was a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choices (and value), and had to call my partner to ask ‘How much meat is too much meat?’.

He told me that the limit does not exist and I went on my merry way, stockpiling sirloins and sausages.

I went a bit crazy here but I reckon I saved a couple of hundred bucks and my trolley was stocked with at least three months worth of meat.

Human-sized. Image: Supplied

7. Shopping trolley or minivan?

Speaking of trolleys, they’re big too, because of course they are. When you’ve got big items, you need big trollies.

But with trollies of great proportions comes great responsibility, and every customer here knows that.

They carefully manoeuvre their trollies around the store, weaving between people and trying to adhere to some sort of system.

But the truth is, there is no system. It’s every man for themselves and you just have to go with it.

Have you ever been on a scooter in Bali? It’s like that. From a pedestrian's point of view, it looks like the locals are crazy drivers, there are 1000 lanes and no one indicates. But when you’re actually on the scooter, you realise that it’s an organised chaos. Everyone seems to know their place and moves together like one big flowing river.

That’s what it’s like at Costco. It might seem like chaos, but it works.

Well, at least for regulars. Newbies like me, who are still on their trolley L-plates, still managed to bump into every trolley.

I ended up having a trolley accident in one of the bakery aisles as I tried to overtake someone who was faffing over some muffins. An injury was obtained and my finger is still recovering.

Mmmm... Manuka honey. Image: Supplied

8. The land of endless samples

Costco is the only supermarket I know where you can have a three-course meal solely comprised of free samples.

I loved it when I got to the end of an aisle and saw a sample lady with a mini-BBQ cooking up some tasty tidbit.

I accepted all of them and ate them in front of her, like I was a connoisseur of whatever she was spruiking, be it jerky, smoked fish or dumplings.

If you’re still hungry by the time you leave, you clearly haven’t done it right, but you can always grab a giant slice of pizza from the American-style takeout joint on the way out!